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so me thinks

I think I saw you last night,
in the far distant shadow of my dreams …

you were screaming,
perhaps I couldn’t hear clearly,
was it my name
as you traversed over my bodily carpet
unknowingly fast you paced
and trampled me …

oh what a beauty
you could be someone shouted

darling it’s not he, tis me
you ran back into the shell
as I could imagine
but now twas hell …

all dunky dory
heaven and hell
rang bells of glory,
not for thee
but me…

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


Not dunky dory?
A dream?

The 'dunky dory' I feel was just used to fit with the glory...'hunky dory' is the proper term. The only thing that jars is the use of the archaic terms 'thee' & 'twas'...again, I think used for a rhyming device.

Really liked the phrase...'as you traversed over my bodily carpet'...I think you could expand on this idea and extend the metaphor of being 'trampled'....more of this sort of work please.

Ells :)

the only trouble with me
is I am an off the cuff poet ...
it just comes naturally to me
but then as you say,
i will try soon
some day
to make amends


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