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Sleigh Bells and Church Chimes...

A man with sandals and flowing robes
was walking in the snow
A sleigh pulled up and Santa said;
“Jesus, where you go?”

Jesus said;
“Why Santa, how do you know my name?”

Santa said;
“I know you, our goals are quite the same”

Jesus says; “I do not see
how gifts, can save at all?”

“You got some, on your birthday
I believe I do recall...”

“Giving shows how much you care
if you sacrifice”

“Santa, some folks think the best one
is the one with the biggest price!”

“Why not? You paid the very most
You gave up your life
You had nothing, not even children
Never had a wife”

“But, it seems I am forgotten
Giving gifts, is all that matters”
It looks like, all I've tried to do
is now in ruined tatters”

Santa reflects for just a second
Says; “Now you just look right here
A church! It's full, they're singing praises
So you shouldn't fear”

“I want to save them all, you see
but there are those that will not come”
they think I'm not their cup of tea”

“Then, I guess that they are dumb!”

“I try to spread the laughter,
make your birthday grand
Promoting peace and love
Play right to your hand”

“There are holdouts and the haters
but I get most all the good
The doubters, the maybe laters'
Ones, you wouldn't think I could”

Jesus says;
“I think, that I might tag-a-long with you
If you don't mind, that is
See just what you do”

Santa gave a hand, got him in the sleigh
The two rode off together
On their merry way.

Two men of peace and saving grace
laughed and shared good times
Marveled at the world's change of pace
And they drank some wine

The night was clear and cold
their voices spoke of love
The two men giving thanks
to the father up above

You may not believe this tale of mine
but I really hope you do
for these men send peace and love
to each and all of you

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Happy Holidays to all and to all a goodnight. ~ Geezer
Editing stage: 

Comments

and sloppy meter, mate.
I'm not commenting on the content, which you could guess I would find puerile, being objective about the structure, badly laboured. I know you can do better.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

and we won't go into that morass again, but I was really trying to get the content across and not too worried about the rest of the stuff. I guess that my enthusiasm for the idea blinded me to the perils of bad poetry.
Anyways, I always appreciate your input and wish you a happy holiday. ~ Gee

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author comment

but I have to agree with Jess that poetically this is not your best.
Loved the concept though. The idea of these two men breaking sound barriers as they talk about Time.
I may have to steal the idea and write my own.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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