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sentences

“I put verbs in my sentences and i get to the bottom line”
Don't make me paraphrase, i wish that you were mine,
You make metaphors about dying, so don't tell me that your fine
You write me like your synonyms, i put you in the rhyme.
There's structure to a sentence where do you draw the line,
you stood as a paragraph, that no one can refine,
As a book with unknown authors and an unfinished storyline
Could you write me in with you, a chapter where we dine?
You are the essay paper i am hesitant to assign.
Im protective of your topic, theme, pages, and book and spine.

My heart was once locked, but you are the Key.
Like i have the bill and you are the Fee.
You write how you want to sit under the Tree
And that your heart feels like its lost at Sea.
When you write about love why don’t you write about me?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
i would love to make my poetry better and grow as an artist, please don't be afraid to help me better this poem.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I think what you have written is splendid as it is. there is one (i) you could capitalize. the title is a little mediocre, but I don't have any suggestions for a better one. I very much like the theme and the content. good luck.

*hugs, Cat

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"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I just read your "profile page" and found out that you would like to learn more about poetry. And that you would like to become better when writing poetry. that is an admirable aspiration and attitude! Might I suggest that you read other poets poetry? both world renowned poets; such as Edgar A. Poe and William Blake, etc. And also reading the poets here on neopoet. Also, some musicians are excellent poets, Bob Dylan, for one. I am looking forward to reading more of your poems.

*hugs, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

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