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The Art of Loving You

If you were a school ,I am a student, and you are the subject,
If you were a crime then I am the suspect
If you were the cause I am the effect
You are the language and I am the dialect
I am the medication and you are the side effect,
I am the tear and you are who wept
But i am to wait and sit here to accept
That we are two pieces that may fit perfect.
But you are in love with another, am I to forget?
That you are the court and I am held in contempt.

I know I don't look like the one you're dreaming of
And perhaps I never will
I really wasn't expecting this love
This, high, this hope, this thrill,

I know I don't look like the one you're dreaming of
But it doesn't hurt to try
You seem like the most beautiful dove
Baby let me be your sky.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

this is about the trials of a relationship, or lack there of.

author comment

while you are waiting for comments on your poem, why don't you read and comment on other neopoet's poems. If you want to get comments and critique,it is wise to reciprocate and give them. this is an excellent poem. but who will read it if you don't actively participate in the site?

*always, Cat

when you start acting like a "member, I will start critiquing your work.

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

i would love to do that but i am a sophmore and i feel that a lot of other people on this site, are more mature in their writing than i am. i don't feel its right for me to critique when i don't have any credentials to do so.

author comment

you write poetry very well, and you are a Neopoet member...that is credentials enough!

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Maybe add a little to it, in the established style you have already in it.

I. Gotta say that the Spoken Word poems I have heard are a bit longer. That is really performance art. I would think that reading your work aloud, to others, is requisite to seeing if your piece gets your feeling across.

I have found that in readings of mine in bookstores, or open mics, that what I say in any particular piece I read will have a different interpretation in the audience. I mean, the basics of what I have read get there, however most listeners will have their unique listening to what you are reading. Sometimes that is really quite different that what you as the poet meant!

You. Should fee free to comment on anyone’s posted poetry. If you feel that yoou should have some sort of credentials and in your own estimation, do not.... then write how someone’s posted poem makes YOU feel, or where the piece takes you, etc. just IMHO...

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