Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Faith

We learn to see beauty in the rain.
We are taught to let go of the pain.
Day in, day out, another demon has been slayn.
One mans loss is another mans gain.
Everyday we have to refrain,
From ever thinking our life will be plain.
Listen to what the Bible has been sayin’.
For each other we will be prayin’.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Last few words: 
This is my poem about my path with a chronic illness I’ve been struggling with. I can’t keep foods down at night and I’m having many tests run on me. This poem explains how I stay happy and hopeful through the struggle. I’m not very good with grammar and spelling, so I would appreciate help on that. Thank you for reading and I hope anyone who is struggling with serious illness can relate.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, there,
Thank you for sharing what I'm sure is just a small portion of what you are going through. Very powerful title wrapped up in very powerful words.
Best wishes to you,
Lavender

this is quite an emotional rollacoaster that you are on, your poem is full of thought and emotion it's sadly beautiful. your title is very important because we all need faith and strength, I wish for you find the answers and indeed move forward with positivity and love. Your courage even to write this is outstanding.

Thank you...Teddy

that this is a fine poem scooby. You are pretty well saying what you want to say.

Your title is fine ~ I don't know of any well known poet who has used it in the past.
Your language is fine also.

Just a few small things here.
Line 3 should be 'slain'
Line 4 ~ One man's loss is another man's gain.
Line 5 no need for line end comma.

Change these and you will be okay.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

Hi scooby, Alan has already pointed out the same things I'd have said, so no more crits. Your poem is indeed powerful and shows that you have great inner strength as well as faith.
I do emphasize with you, because not only some of my family, but I also have a chronic disorder. Mine can be painful, it's called Fibromyalgia, but not usually too serious. Just disrupts my life and have to take some pain killers.
Your title, content and spacing are fine. I wish you all the best with your tests. Keep writing, for me it's a sort of therapy.
All the best, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.