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Til' Death Due Us Part. (old poems #1)

Submitted by scooby on Fri, 2022-05-27 16:03

Loving him is a death sentence.
If I go with him I will die.
But he has never been truly loved before,
So love him I will try.

Loving him is a death sentence.
His hands feel like death row,
and I've loved him far too long,
To let this feeling go.

Loving him is a death sentence,
And I will ride it out.
i will continue to love him,
After he puts me six feet in the ground.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
i wrote many poems when i was trapped in an abusive relationship. i escaped my abuser about a year ago and i am not looking through my old poems. i was groomed into believing he loved me, though he physically, mentally and sexually abused me every day. i am sharing these powerful poems i wrote not to encourage abuse but to warn people that some things aren't as they seem. every day i will post another one. this is helping with my closure., thanks for reading.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Sat, 2022-05-28 05:10

Candlewitch's picture
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in these lines:

Loving him is a death sentence,
And I will ride it out. (and I will see it through)
i will continue to love him,
After he puts me six feet in the ground. (although his love is a fatal brew)

this adds rhythm and rhyme to your poem and makes it smother without changing the meaning. this is just a suggestion and you can use it or not, as you see fit.

*hugs, Cat

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