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Mixed Messages (old poems #2)

Submitted by scooby on Sat, 2022-05-28 17:40

He confuses me in every way,
With His words and actions that come each day.
He says that he loves me but wants to feed me my guts.
He’ll hug me then bang my head, leaving me in ruts.
He confuses me in every way,
With the things that he will do and say.
I would let him hurt me without making a sound
whether we would end up married, or I six feet in the ground.
Some days I feel confident that we will last.
Those days Ill think of whats to come and not the past.
Some days I'm sure he'll kill me if I don't leave.
those days I hide the injuries under my sleeve.
He boggles my mind every waking hour.
They say if I don't fear him, it takes away his power.
But it didn't seem to stop him when I thought that we were just playing around.
Whether I realize what hes doing or not hell break me to the bound
I feel like hes always watching me, so i cant reach out for help.
I wonder if he'd hurt me worse if id let out a yelp

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
i wrote many poems when i was trapped in an abusive relationship. i escaped my abuser about a year ago and i am not looking through my old poems. i was groomed into believing he loved me, though he physically, mentally and sexually abused me every day. i am sharing these powerful poems i wrote not to encourage abuse but to warn people that some things aren't as they seem. every day i will post another one. this is helping with my closure., thanks for reading.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2022-05-28 18:09

Geezer's picture
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Your title is good and the language equally so.
I would use the words [leaving me [nuts]

You seem to have an aversion to using apostrophes
is there a reason for that?

I'm glad you escaped his clutches and are on the road to recovery.
The pattern and pacing is a bit ragged, but it adds to the story.
The internal logic is good and passes from beginning to end well.

Keep writing and posting, I think that after you have finished with your healing
you will do very well. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-05-29 06:58

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your poem has vivid images. I see a couple of relationships of mine in your lines. long past, fortunately. I know how it feels to be powerless and under someone else's control. it is a very high stressful situation. you get your message across very well.

this line felt strained:

Whether I realize what hes doing or not hell break me to the bound maybe:
Whether I realize what hes doing or not hell break me to the (ground)?

keep working on your closure, it will come. and someday you will be rid of that shocky (being in a state of shock) felling and you will be really free.

*hugs, Cat

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