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See You In Geometry, Princess

Submitted by emogothgirl on Mon, 2012-03-19 16:41

i'll be there by 1:20
and by 1:20 i'll be gone
with a breeze on my back
pressing memories into my hands
and a car that passes calls me
because i used to know the sound
now only once in a while
i used to know the smell of rain on the concrete
dropping everything when the sprinklers went on
pebbles from the park still in my pocket
along with a sigh and your smile
i'm staring out the window
i'm thinking of you
can you feel it?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
for Princess. she'll see it sometime.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Cloudthings

Mon, 2012-03-19 23:35

Cloudthings's picture

Mmmmm really enjoyed this, seemed to change pace half way through, but it didn't detract from the overall work. Felt like a blind taste/olfactory experience gracefully applied leaving the reader with wimsical fragments of memories, hints at history wafted teasingly out of reach.

I like your style (what I have read of it), there is a boldness that stops short of arrogance, like a firm offering of something wholesome (that IS actually a compliment in my convoluted way!)

Cheers
Anni

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

emogothgirl

Tue, 2012-03-20 08:21

emogothgirl's picture
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sometimes the fragments are all that you have. i think i definitely have my own style, if anything. please do tell me if i get arrogant!!!
thanks,
mag

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Starlight

Wed, 2012-03-21 19:47

Starlight's picture

:( marrrr gett itt! this is to awesome. it makes me feel bad though. :(

emogothgirl

Wed, 2012-03-21 22:23

emogothgirl's picture
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have you ever wondered why i stare over your head out the window while the teacher rambles? well now you know :p we have geometry the same time and everything.

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AuroraBorealis

Wed, 2012-03-21 23:18

You just made my day, angel. Just know I'm staring out my geometry window right back at you <3

emogothgirl

Thu, 2012-03-22 08:35

emogothgirl's picture
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then i'm doing my job.
always,
mag

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