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Scent of Meat

The raw dripping pool
creeping across the mouth
delicious!

drip drip dribble dribble

No sanguine snack this-
more a Homo-blackpudding
bursting bloody bastes

The luminous ring dances
lunar lines across the
Green Man's playground
hiding wet magenta ribbons

drop! drop! splatter splash!

And the scent is wafting
And the hirsute pursuer
pines for the
metallic tang

And he finds a lone lovely
languishing in the green baize
clearing

stupid morsel!
needs eating
ravishing
ravenous
repast

slurp slurp burp! burp!

smell the meat my darling
now
your tastes are
refined

mmmmm...
smell the meat my darling
you carnivorous
whore

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

pursuiter [sic?, perhaps pursuer]

Perhaps the ending could be stronger.

Maybe instead of 'mmmmm...'
'you have been named'. Or something like that.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
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I've corrected the spelling! LOL....and tried to make the ending stronger, does it work? I'd watched a really naff Hammer House of Horror film last night...it was giving me the creepy nightmares, feeding my imagination!

Ells x

author comment

much better

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I'm trying to develop my style...I've come to the conclusion i have a very dark vein that is much easier to mine than joyful expression!

Unsettling as I'm in a really happy place in my life! LOL

Regards,

Ellie :)

author comment
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