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Too Fat To Be Edgy

In my mind

In my mirror

Final stand
the glory

the 'edge'
no ordinary

shimmer through
the argent

Tossing my
iridescent tress
too fat to
be edgy
I dress
my hair

cool drool

Betty's back...

Editing stage: 


i phoned some years ago who lived in Leeds.
so wished i got round to meeting her.
she went off and got married and moved to Southampton.
great shame. your style is much akin, Betty,
and i like it, just as i liked that lady i once phoned.
would love to hear her again.

Sounds like Ephraim Crud has returned...

Bye Mr C!

author comment

I don't think we've met. Good to be reading from you!
I can really hear this poem as part of a rock song. It's got a cool choppy but still somehow smooth sound to me, just like Gwendolyn Brooks' famous "We Real Cool", which is very jazzy:
If I can make one small suggestion, it would be to take a look at the following stanza:
the 'edge'
no ordinary
I'm having trouble connecting the first two lines with the rest of the stanza. I would be interested to know what you mean by putting edge in quotes and what you mean by finally. Do you mean that finding this wonderful argent silver finally gave you the edge you were looking for? If so, maybe an additional word or two could be added to the stanza for clarity, something like:
Finally found
the 'edge'
it was no ordinary
It's up to you though, this is your poem. :)  
Although, I have to beg to differ, because no one is ever too fat to be edgy. There are definitely some larger than life rock stars and actors and actresses out there who are totally fat too. Also, take me for example! Maybe I'm not exactly "edgy" because I'm quite the homebody and nerd, but I'm definintely spooky as they come and fat as can be. Fat is where it's at! 

Critique, don't comment.

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Hi Kelsey!

No, not met on here before...Been a while since I posted, used to regularly post on the 'old' Neo before the awful crash and we all lost our work! Dip in & out when the muse strikes...but not so keep on the format since the crash, it's all a bit worthy worktops for my own taste.

We can all learn new tricks & I really appreciate your interest. Letting my beautiful silver hair grow out but didn't want to look too 'old lady' rocking rainbow pastel hues. Edgy & funky...more me!

Chat soon,

author comment

smashingly tremendous poem

Tennesse Bourbon, stacks up well to a smooth Jameson's....soft curves indeed.

I'm more your Isle of Skye, Talisker....Scottish whisky, salty,peaty & an acquired taste for grown ups. Complex & layered like my new coloured silver/ pastel/rainbow tresses!

Thank you Esker

author comment

now there was a healthy woman
powerful and ruling
she knew what she liked...

The tresses are indeed rock chick edgy.
Great positive vibe from this poem.

Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

Hi J,

Well, I don't need to conform anymore and I've the confidence to wear it, had lots of comments about it mostly positive! LOL

Catch up soon,
Ells x

author comment
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