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SAVED +

Submitted by Sheddie on Sun, 2023-10-15 07:28

SAVED

My father, our father,
Hallowed be thy name, reigning above many reigns
Chosen for eternity, where lights never fades
A government fearing no foe, no surrender
For thine is the power and glory,
All rendered at your feet,
Our Father, saviour of the saved

My father, our father,
I have lived, still living freely
My help fetching from thy rod and staff, for they comfort me,
Your wisdom discerning my difficulties
Whisking me away from parlous hands
I have lived, still breathing freely
Asking whatever I need in reverence, for they are given unto me,
Our God, saviour of the saved.

My father, our father
God of the times past and reign present,
Rain down your peace on every city, seizing sorrow
Send help to the heartless, your mind flowing through their veins,
Pursue away lack from the needy, may only your presence be their want,
Save us all, that we may walk in power to heaven's gate
Our Father, saviour of the saved

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neopoet

Sun, 2023-10-15 13:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "SAVED" beautifully explores the theme of divine protection and guidance. The repetition of "My father, our father" creates a sense of intimacy and collective worship. The use of religious language and imagery, such as "Hallowed be thy name" and "reigning above many reigns," adds depth and reverence to the poem.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider varying the structure and rhythm of the poem. Currently, each stanza follows a similar pattern of addressing the father and expressing gratitude or making a request. Experimenting with different stanza lengths, line breaks, or even incorporating different poetic devices like enjambment or internal rhyme can add more musicality and dynamic flow to the poem.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to provide more specific and vivid descriptions to engage the reader's senses and emotions. For example, instead of mentioning "parlous hands," you could describe the dangers or challenges faced in more concrete terms, allowing readers to visualize and connect on a deeper level.

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