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This poem fights each word

This
Poem
No muscle blood or flesh
Just this irritating
Nothingness
A mouth without a head
Whining constantly for food
Never adequately fed
Demanding all the time for more-
But will not lift or sing
Or even form
Some perfect thing

Just a grumblement of words-
That make no sense
An incoherent mess-
No poem here at all
But will not let me rest
Some manipulative lover this
An ill fitting bastard of a friend
Forcing words
Which
Never
Seem
To

End

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wrote this when I was working on another poem which is sending me bonkers! Still working on THAT one!
Editing stage: 

Comments

I know what thats like its irritates until you go back and work and work and work and then kaput you hit a road block ... I like the poem it made me smile I hope that was your intent lol or I have just made a big ass of myself

I am stuck on a poem but its slowly coming bit by bloody bit

hope its cooler down there the weather here is beautiful its only 22 degrees and I am making the most of it before the next heat wave hits

hugs and love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Totally meant to make poets smile, this one! so you got it right! hope your poem comes into form and light. The one which refuses to be born for me is a worriting little thing: not even a big poem. gave up at midnight, tried again at 0630 this morning, still working at it at 0810 - due at work by 0830- got to work dressed , showered and disorientated ten minutes late. I hate that poem!!! This one was written in the high street between coffee and cake xxx

Jenifer

author comment

I just posted it, I read something else and I had already started a poem and then I went back and totally changed it round and now I am happy with it ... my poems come in the quiet of night usually I will be on the verge of sleep and then BAM a first line will pinch me and say get up or you will forget it forever ! ... I have forgotten more good lines than I have written

I hope your poem comes good mine is rather long but its the middle part giving me bother I plan to write for a while tonight hopefully I can smooth out the edges

xxx JC

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Glad you enjoyed it - this was such an easy thing to write...unlike the one that triggered it grrrrrr. Still worriting about that one, bastard of a thing.

Jenifer

author comment

"grumblement" This single word makes this well worth reading. I might have to borrow it one day lol............stan

Feel free to borrow, scribbler- sharing is a fine thing! xxx

Jenifer

author comment

Feel free to borrow, scribbler- sharing is a fine thing! xxx

Jenifer

author comment

Glad you enjoyed - happy piece of frustrated (can you be happy and frustrated?) fluff, therapy, whatever. As I said to Frenchf the other one is giving me a hard hard time. I might punish it by BANISHING it!

Jenifer

author comment

Love it! Hey, Shakespeare coined his own words....only another 6,000 to go Jenifer! LOL

I know exactly what you mean....I HAVE to write/review my work before anything else in the morning...like picking at a scab, can't leave it alone sometimes when the muse strikes.

I agree with Beau's comments about adding "it". Enjoying your work so far.

Ells :)

Sorry - I am having lots of trouble loading comments as replies tonight - and I feel very rude not answering. So hopefully this comment will go through. Beauregard: thank you, the word change makes the line much stronger. I cannot believe you do not play with words- it's how language was made. I love inventing words because every word in language was once invented. Words die if they are not used and defined. You are such a strong poet - do it!. dear scribbler - feel free to borrow1 words are to be shared! Betty Buff, thank you for saying hello, so good to meet you on this lovely forum...good place to play! xxx

Jenifer

author comment
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