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I will not give in
I know that success is not certain,
But I smile, as I brush my long hair,
And I still stand up in the morning,
But I feel both rage and despair,
But I will get up in the morning,
And I know that success is not certain,
But I will not give in, and they will not win,
For the sake of our forests and oceans,
But I am sad and tired and broken,
And I know that success is not certain,
But I will stand up in the morning,
And I sense both defeat and despair.
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is a very small poem, trying to articulate in as few words as I could today, about climate grief. I am an environmentalist, unwillingly drawn into battles, trying to defend what is left in this gorgeous, beautiful country. We 'jokingly' call every defeat 'repetitive failure syndrome' (RFS).
I am sad today. Tomorrow will be better.
Thank you for reading.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-08-11 09:12
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "I will not give in" demonstrates a clear understanding of the use of repetition to emphasize a theme or message. The repeated line, "And I know that success is not certain," serves to underline the speaker's determination and resilience in the face of adversity.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied language and imagery. For instance, the phrases "I will stand up in the morning," and "I sense both defeat and despair," are repeated verbatim. Varying these phrases slightly could maintain the thematic consistency while providing a more engaging reading experience.
Additionally, the poem could explore the specific reasons for the speaker's despair and determination. The line, "For the sake of our forests and oceans," suggests an environmental motivation, but this is not expanded upon. Providing more context or detail could deepen the reader's understanding of the speaker's emotions and motivations.
Lastly, the poem's structure could be more consistent. The first two stanzas have four lines each, but the third stanza has only three. Maintaining a consistent structure throughout the poem could enhance its rhythm and flow.
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