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A strange story

Was new,
Had not existed,
Never been spoken,

So, say
For the first time,
Weed of the sea,

Smell the word,
Flavour it,
Or foul decay,

Savour the words -

The threads
Of Mermaid-String,
Knot them Into your brain,

And watch
Light waves roll
With the tide,
Sun-lit red,
Gold and lettuce green,
Fronds and fans,
Ribs and hands,

It’s a strange story,
a word, a sentence, paragraph,
a poem:


Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I was inspired by the title of of one of this month's contests 'a strange story'. Of course this has too many lines! But I like the way it is coming together, so am looking for suggestions on this longer poem, while I also trial a shorter one, same theme, for the contest.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Hello Jenifer, I liked this immensely and I think you could cut the length of each stanza to fit the required parameters without losing any of the words. I read it as though I was still on the stage and it works very well. Alex

Thanks, Alex. Good advice - I had started more like you suggested, then played with this form. I really appreciate that you read it as though still on the stage, as that is a bit how I wrote it, to be read aloud.
I will follow your thoughts.

Jenifer Jaspa James

author comment

Once upon a time
Was new

Thanks, Jakub, I love your suggestion too. Maybe for another poem I have tucked away a similar theme... that sense of, indeed, another time. Thank you.

Jenifer Jaspa James

author comment

A very good start. Alex

Thanks, Alex. Much appreciated.

Jenifer Jaspa James

author comment

What a love subject for poetry which is nothing but words. Indeed I'm certain some words are invented even now to be used in poetry

Totally agree, Scribbler.
And who invented these gorgeous words for seaweed, if not poets: Hen-Pen, Rosy-Pink-Plates? not just a scientist, but a scientist with a poet's heart.
They are all real seaweeds by the way.

Jenifer Jaspa James

author comment
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