Very strange that while I was suggesting that you write about one of your grand children, you were submitting this.
BUT, I think you need to make some modifications on this in order to have a monologue, because it is not working with the "He".
Remember what Wesley said?

http://www.neopoet.com/comment/108603#comment-108603

Wish this would help dear.

I'll suggest to change "he" to "I" and "his" to "my". That way, you are writing as the kid.

Alid

A single voice in the first person. That of the child. Easier than you thought, isn't it? Now start creating characters for your one act play. Two at least.

Don't Panic.
As the monologue, it will be easier than you think. I will be posting an example very soon. Before we actually ask for contributions of one act plays. It will give you an idea on how to format your play, although it needn't be exactly as mine is. First step is to create two characters (two voices) each distinct from the other.

In fact I prefer it be a separate work, but that is not required either. It need only have two or more voices speaking for themselves and (most importantly) it must be poetry and not prose. Please have a look at my example for possibilities in format.

Not quite right. If this is a first person basis, then this 2 stanzas are not right because you bring in another character or subject in speech.If I am right, Wes says a monologue is focused on the first person's thoughts and emotion only but there's a second person in your poem. Wait for Wes to elaborate or others to comment,dear

suddenly she looks back
staring at me
asking
did the teacher work you hard?
yes..
what did you do?
numbers..

yes, numbers will make you tired
did you learn them?
yes..

Alid

Run with scissors, but never panic.
This is not a monologue. There are multiple voices. If this is your play submission then we need to mark the voices with names, so there is no confusion. A play is a script and you need to separate your characters as I did in "What Men Hear...".
My suggestion and it is only suggestion is that you start from scratch with your play and mark the characters as you write. You will find it helps to make sense of the conversations.
Also, (and this is the hard part) I want you to take my challenge over at Chrys' to heart (you too Alid and everyone else). Dramatic Verse gives us the opportunity to write "out of the box". Instead of writing about things we always write about in ways we always write about them, I want you to create three (yes, at least three) characters and write a conversation about something you never write about. Stay away from the common subjects of your poetry in general. Write about something that makes you uncomfortable, confused, perplexed.

Why?

Because when we strain muscle it tears. When it heals it is stronger.
Rip some muscle. Dramatic Verse is the perfect chance to do something different. Screamingly different.

I'm going to climb down off of my soap box now. Could someone give me a hand, I'm rather old and used to standing on it.

but it reads more like a play.
I'm going to say this here as elsewhere. Don't stop at just the play. The point of the workshop was to give poets the opportunity to write in an unfamiliar form for the purpose of jumpstarting their common poetry. Use the experiment in dramatic verse to give you a fresh perspective on what you write.