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Papa Autumn - for the children
Papa autumn wears a cloak
of yellow, gold and red.
A gust of winter whispers
to rest his weary head.
He sheds his outer garment,
which scatters on the floor.
'tis then he yields to slumber
and soon begins to snore.
His garb is spread in shambles
across the forest glade,
bejewelled with frosted dewdrops
where shafts of light cascade.
A little dormouse nestles
with nuts around his chest.
He's curled up nice and cosy
inside his woven nest.
So too with Mr. hedgehog
kept warm until the spring.
secure beneath a wood pile
and leafy covering.
Sleep well then Papa autumn,
'til you put on your suit
that brings the harvest bounty
of ripened summer fruit.
Ah! then the woods will flourish
with sounds of happy folk,
who walk the trodden pathways
to see your brand new cloak.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
For Ian and the children. ( With a few tweaks, kind courtesy of Ian ). ( Sorry I haven't been around - We've had the famine ( work wise ), now we're having a feast.
Ian - didn't know whether to add this to the workshop?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Thu, 2014-02-06 13:23
Mand
This reads wonderfully for the children and they all approve of this one.
The workshop can carry on with the original as it about done with the poems entered.
Well done this one needs a book, now you have to write the other three, Winter, Spring and Summer, they will be published one day,
I wonder where poems and stories are going to be printed in the future, can you picture a hologram reading to whoever, or singing to us as we rest..
Take care and a lovely work, Yours, Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
mand
Mon, 2014-02-10 22:49
Hi Ian
: ) If it brings a smile - I will be happy! I see this poem as combined effort - So a big thank you to all those who helped, suggested, prompted, encouraged and taught - you are all an invaluable part of making this poem:
Yourself, Rula, Wesley, Stan, Raj, Jayne, Alidzain and Russell - my husband for being so patient. I hope I haven't missed anyone out!
Thanks again Ian!
Love Mand xxxxx
author commentraj
Mon, 2014-02-10 13:45
Hi Mand
You certainly did missed someone very special in that list, the very source of your inspiration "Papa Autumn" :)
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Thu, 2014-02-06 14:34
Great read Mandy
This is definitely a piece everyone would have wished to write.
As Ian said, we need now the other three seasons,
then I'm ready to buy your first published collection.
Well done dear!
Keep up the good work.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
mand
Mon, 2014-02-10 08:41
Thanks Rula
Oh! that I had more time to write - but I'm grateful for the time I have. I haven't started on the sonnet yet - hopefully soon.
Soo good to hear from you! ( see above comment )
Keep safe
Love Mand xxxxxxx
author commentraj
Thu, 2014-02-06 15:07
Mand
You have a magic with words and use them to take readers like me through the moods and swings of Autumn. I agree with Ian that you should now be that all seasons Mand to take us on a walk through the other seasons ...let this worm through your fertile mind :) Though a Take 2 on Autumn it is a pleasure read...
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Mon, 2014-02-10 22:42
Hi Raj
:) Raj you make me want to keep writing! I think we should publish a Neopoet book of poetry! Cool.
I bought a book of poetry not long ago. Cost £10 - I think Neopoets are better.
Thanks Raj - I'm on my way to see how you are progressing with your poem!
Love Mand xxxxx
author commentalidzain
Thu, 2014-02-06 18:50
Mand
Its wonderful. I agree with the others. Go on. Write about all the seasons. Let's share your beautiful gift with the readers!
Alid
mand
Mon, 2014-02-10 22:58
Hi Alidzain
Ahhh - Thanks Alid! You have all been so encouraging - I really appreciate your coming by it makes such a difference. I haven't been around much - I'm on my way so see what you've been up to!
I hope all is well with you and your family!
( I have added you to the list above - I can't believe I forgot to put you there ) - I hope I haven't forgotten anyone else.
Love Mand xxx
author commentNordic cloud
Sat, 2014-02-08 14:38
Oh How I agree with all here
Oh How I agree with all here mand,
you capture our attention as we sit on your lap,
listening and watching the images
you conjure up in our minds, so beautifully too,
almost got me wishing for the Autumn now.
Snow and slush now!!!
Love Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
mand
Mon, 2014-02-10 23:23
Hi Ann!
Glad you like it Ann - and glad you are on the mend! We have snow drops here, soon the daffodils and tulips will give us a splash of colour - spring is on it's way. Yeh!
Great to hear from you - Keep safe.
Love Mand xxxxxxx
author commentalidzain
Mon, 2014-02-10 13:38
Kudos to you, Mand
You once said that I am an inspiration just for trying to write in English but you are the real deal. Can't wait to read your published work, Mand.
Love
Alid
mand
Mon, 2014-02-10 23:30
Hi Alid
Thank you for your lovely comment - soo encouraging. I absolutely loved your poem "Sunrise".
Not sure I've got enough good poems to be published - I think I have a lot more to learn - but you never know maybe one day. At the moment I'm just enjoying reading and writing. ( when I get the time ). Te he
I think you are doing a great job! We can grow together - thanks to the encouragement of this site.
LOve Mand xxxxxx
author commentalidzain
Tue, 2014-02-11 11:41
truth is
truth is you write even better than me. You are good with the meter while I am still struggling with it.the only good thing I have is that I can make the poem lively or emotional. Sunrise is written as a trial, my first attempt on imagery poem after a long time.What can I say? You people make me so envious of your skills on it that I want to try my luck on it.:).
Alid