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The Pain Will Go

One day,
you don’t think so,
but when he’s fat and grey
you wont ask why he didn’t stay.
For now, it’s painful, but at least you tried.
Time is a healer so they say,
though it seems far away
the pain will go
one day!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem stems from a resent break up within my family. It's hard to comfort someone who has lost the love of their life. So sad when this happens. :( I decided to rhyme this rictameter - even though I'm probably not supposed to.
Editing stage: 

Comments

good to see you writing again. Thanks for teaching me a new format. ritameter,hmmmm.

Anyway, I wish all will be better in your family in spite of the break up. Sometimes we need to lose to gain something better. Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until we lost it but if we learn from experience, we will become better, wiser and stronger.

In the embrace of the storm,
you'll learn to be thankful
for all the sunny days.

Alid

I hope all is well with you today. :) Sparrow has posted a comprehensive chart of the different types of rictameters - ( which I haven't got round to reading yet ). Most rictameters don't rhyme, as far as I know, but hopefully, when I take a look at Ian's post ( when I manage to find the time ) I will find out!

The break up is fresh from last week, so feelings are raw at the moment - The pain is difficult to cope with for everyone on both sides of the camp - but as you rightly say, lessons will be learnt and the pain will slowly dissipate - hard as it is it's better to end a sour relationship sooner rather than later and I think once bitten twice shy.

Thanks Alid for kindly reading and posting such an encouraging and honest hearted comment.

Keep safe :)

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

I'm a little busy and sometimes the headache and lethargy sets in and I lose my cool. I try to keep up in the current workshop but I'm still lost. Maybe I'm not ready for it. I dunno.

Alid

Take it easy - you're not well, you have a lot on your shoulders so just do what you feel comfortable with, :)

So sorry to hear that you have headaches - that can be gruelling. :(

Thanks for your visit Alid - wish I had a magic wand to wish you better with.

LOve Mand xxx

author comment

I wish I could take it easy but when you are down on manpower at work in both of your workplaces and you still have to deal with some relationship prob among your family members which doesn't seem to go away, it's hard to take it easy. My malay poetry writing is one of my ways to keep me relax. Yeah. I know. I gave you advice on how to deal with bad times when I'm struggling with mine. I just wish people can co-operate and get rid of their egoes but its not happening here and I'm fed up. It's a wonder how people can have the best of intention and still do things the wrong way.

Sorry, mand. Shouldn't be whiny but I can't help it.

Alid

No problem - wish I could help - life can be traumatic. Horrendous! :)

Feeling helpless!

Love Mand xxx

author comment

Mine do. I am a rhymer, first and foremost and have endured people pointing out to me that one form or another should not rhyme. Should? Maybe they meant usually don't.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

We are kindred spirits - I like the challenge of rhyme and I agree, " usually don't" as opposed to "should" gives lee way for the poet to express themselves outside any hard and fast rules. Good point. :)

Interesting and astute comment! :) Thanks

Love Mand xxx

author comment

As far as I know they can rhyme if you wish...

Sorry to hear of the family trauma...
but it's true.... it all passes

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Good to know it's alright to rhyme it. Phew!

Thank you for your sympathy's - :) You're a gem!

Love to you xxxx

Mand xxx

author comment

you could have made use of the advanced format. (your choice of course) I mean to center the piece and show its diamond shape.
I should say it's a touching rictameter. As touching as the break up and the pain in the family. Sorry, I wish everyone will overcome the pain.
fat and gray? Does this refer to someone becoming dull or old or...? just wanted to learn.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Thanks for the reminder, I forgot about the advanced formatting. :)

I've been feeling a melancholy for a couple of days now ( and I'm just one of the parents ) - the loss of someone you love can be devastating - just takes time to get over, but as Alid say's these are the lessons of life, harsh as they are and at least they are both still alive, who knows what might happen in the future. :)

Fat and gray - overweight and old, dull is a good one too.

Thanks for kindly reading and commenting Rula - much appreciated.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

A lady fed up of her fatter hubby
wants him to go

as all her friends
are now single

hubbys bfs lovers all in heaven
to be polite
in hell may be
her happier delight

Well if nothing else you've made me laugh - I bet there is many a wife / husband that feels that way. Tehe

Thanks for stopping by to read and comment Loved - muchly appreciated.

LOve Mand xxx

author comment

but I bring back those in grief
to smile in brief
as the grief is just a passing phase
we have to face tomorrow
again but alone

You are sooo wise and kind. :) Thank you for being such a good friend :)

Love to you

Mand xxx

author comment

kindness mand

Says everything. No need for further comment And all in strict form.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Funny how it goes - Normally it take me a lot longer to write a poem, this one reeled of the tongue.

Kind of you to read and comment Keith - much appreciated :)

Love Mand xxx

author comment

I liked the theme. Good to know you managed to put it into a strict form, which is not my forte...

Much love n hugs...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you for kindly reading and taking the time to comment. :) Muchly appreciated. :)

Keep safe - Love to you

Mand xxx

author comment
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