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Only time died

With awe, I watched as God used paint today.
On bright blue canvas splashing silver hue,
He joined with breath his works of brushes play,
creating dog and dragon, kangaroo,
then blew them all apart, to float defeated
and dissipate in depths of gentian void.
I contemplated time, how past’s retreated
and lost, as those soft clouds now seemed destroyed.

My vision strayed towards the tiny casket,
that holds the ash of stardust suit he wore
while here in cold of manifested secrets.
I knew a fear I may see him no more -
at once remembering the sky of crystals,
when cloaking sunlight no more can conceal
another world, comprising countless candles
that light directions, other sights reveal.

Performing rhythmic, circled dance each night
respective diamonds all contribute spark
and shine there, each displaying perfect light
within the deep obscurity of dark.
When comes the day, they seem to disappear,
as potent rays of morning slowly creep,
but even so I find I hold no fear -
they’ll all return when Sol’s, again, asleep.

With beauteous splendour, wondrous to behold,
nocturnal intuition, calm repair
wafts softly and I, somehow, am consoled.
The glow that lived in eyes abides yet somewhere.
And he has kept the door to there ajar,
so I’ve no need to worry for his welfare,
but, as the sheen of sunshine cloaks the star,
so where he is, is hid by logic’s glare.

I understand that all is not as seems;
that soul becomes invisible, not gone.
For, as the day's soft artwork of God's dreams,
we blend creation, change form, then move on.
To Consciousness I'll drift, someday, somehow,
and, in that golden warm refreshing tide,
we'll meet again some wonderful new Now,
because I know, ‘twas only Time that died.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Easy to tell this isn't something you just dashed off. Many of the rhymes are a bit out of the ordinary which is almost always a good thing and the subject is covered well. I look at this then at some of my scribbles ans sigh in despair............stan

dear judy. The time that dies to give birth to the Now. This is how I read your lines.
Lovely take on the time transitions.
I totally agree with Stan about the rhyme scheme which most of them come fresh to me as a new day.
I don't if this has to do with a dialect thing but reading aloud, I felt like the following lines can read smoother with some tweaks

Last line in Stanza 1
line 3 in stanza 2
line 1 in stanza 4

As usual, it could be me only.

Very thoughtful piece.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I was held captive and felt the ebb and flow of your thoughts with such lovely rhythm. The contrast of light and shade (moods) was very effective and the poem has such wonderful finesse in the beautiful rays of wisdom

we blend creation, change form, then move on.
We all will move to Consciousness somehow,
and, in that golden warm refreshing tide,
we'll meet again some wonderful new Now,
because I know, ‘twas only Time that died.

it's so good that you have returned to Neopoet and posting these gems again..

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

As usual this is up there with one of your great writes, so what else is there to say.
OK one small place where the line troubled my thoughts was:-
"and dissipate in depths of gentian void."
The word I had problem with was dissipate, should this have a "D" on the end as dissipated, I have read this a few times and still this word sits uneasy with the flow.
I will leave that up to you, Otherwise a beaut piece,
Yours Ian..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I appreciate your reading and commenting
I've taken on board your crit points rula and ian....
rula... those lines ring ok to me, let's see if anyone else has a problem
ian... the word is correct - the grammar is connected to the previous verse...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Yes I do agree that the word is correct, it just seemed that it needed a D but if you are happy with its use then that's fine.
I did read the line with both words and without the D is fine it is another way of saying.
Yours, Ian xx (;-)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

the sentence reads
Then blew them all apart, to float defeated, and dissipate in depths of gentian void.

if we take out the adverb, it reads
Then blew them all apart, to float and dissipate in depths of gentian void.

... Then blew them all apart, to float and dissipated in depths of gentian void. ...... is incorrect grammar

thanks for your concern – i always appreciate anything, that sounds off to another ear, being pointed out....

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Never stayed at school long enough to learn much lol,
I joined the Royal Air Force at 15 years old so missed the later part of learning.
I went straight in to avionics and for most of my life worked on Helicopters.
I love those critters with thrashing blades and noisy engines, it was great to see a few countries from them as they didn't fly too fast and too high.
Thanks for your grasp of English it is always appreciated.
Oh news flash I had a new great grandson last week, lol
Take care young Lady, Yours Ian x

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

how many great-grands now?

i've only got one of them lol... feel too young to be a great-grandmother... but he is beautiful...

i was lucky to have a mother and grandfather who were insistent on the use of 'proper' english
... and they fed a love of language to me (my mother read me poetry as a tot as well as fairy tales etc.... and i learned to read early).... and i had wonderful teachers and loved books and reading....

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Hello again, I have now four Great Grand Children.
My step family:-
One Daughter who is as my own child.
Three grand daughters, who are my new children.
They have four children three boys and one girl of 13.
My own children:- Two girls and Two boys.
The first a girl born in Germany, 1965
Another girl born in Ashington Northumberland UK 1968
Then a son born in Ely Cambridgeshire. 1971
Then a son born in South Africa 1980
They have 10 children of various ages.
Time on this plain moves so fast now, could be that we reached our peaks a while back now its all down hill and we know that's faster lol
One of my Daughters lives in Brisbane she works from home something to do with travel, I visited her a couple of years ago.
I wish they would talk to me more but saying that I know they are OK and independent so I have few worries.
That will do for now, you take care out there, and know we think of you,
Yours as always Ian and the Children xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

and hope next time you will capitalize
e as in English

beautifully crafted Judy
I had not written my comments to your comments before this..
but I understand this now...

thank you!

for the read and very kind comment

...your comments to my comments were very enlightening as well as poetic... thank you
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

del

I dont understand - capitalise what?
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I soo love the way you express your feelings - Your poem is beautifully crafted and worded, a pleasure to read and contemplate. I'm sure this poem would be of great comfort and hope for those who feel the loss of someone dear! :) Definitely bought a tear to my eye!

Well done Judyanne - I look forward to reading more!

Keep safe

Love Mand xxxxx

for the very supportive comments
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

for the very supportive comments
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

great grands already
congratulkatshuns=ns congratulayshuns finally got it
congratulations
and now u use another word
gentian.......
i thought you meant genetics after a gg
till i went to google it
out of bliss=== ignorance tis
so next time u use such new words
include a bibliogarphy ok graphy not so silly
like this*

*gentian ===== this etc like the eyes of the new creation urs gg

don't be so lazy - if you don't know a word, that's what dictionaries are for....
it's not the writer's job to give a definition for every word he/she uses...

thanks for the visit
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

but I just wanted to say something judy
ur goody

.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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This is an older write that desperately needed some editing.
It is the epilogue, probably, to my story in the main Storytelling in verse WS
I'm very glad you like it
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

send me a link to the original story. I need to read it again, but fear I won't recognize it when I look for it. If you can't... I'll just try to find it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Here's the link....
I haven't done any work on it for ages....
there are a heap of edits I have on my computer, but not transferred yet, as I don't have access to neopoet from my computer for some reason.... so I can't cut and paste from there.

https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/only-time-died-book-one-storytell...

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I'm going to peruse again tonight.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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