Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Regret

the winter morning sun
warming my shoulders

eyes closed
deeply breathing in the first for the day
wishing it to be the last
knowing it won't

remembering hours of
determination
coughing, choking
nausea

desire utmost
to look 'cool"

watching the old movies,
how they handled the hold
the exhalation
Bette Davis' style especially avidly studied
'til I got it right....
in my mind, that is

by then addicted
within a smoke screen of ignorance
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Took 2 readings to realize this is about smoking lol. Those damned cigarette are addictive regardless what cig companies say. I'm SOOOO glad I never started. Only crit is the rhythm is a bit off lol......stan

Glad to see you well...
Thanks for the visit...
You were one of the smart ones - not starting

Hahaha, very funny re the rhythm.... but don't you know that free form should have a nice rhythm too... so lol... were you serious, and if so where?

Love MM
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I was just joking about the meter. There are a few words I'd change to help the flow but I'm also aware I tend to put stresses where none exist..........As to being smart....When about 5 years old I found an old cigar. Everybody around me smoked so I thought I'd give it a try. So I took that cigar and hid in the shrubs and lit it up. Smoked the whole thing. Got sicker than a dog. Figured then my body was telling me something and for once my stubborn self listened lol......stan

A confession of sorts... I have had quadruple bypass and yet I find myself smoking the pipe again. I don't want to look cool. I smoke alone.
I'll not be running workshops for long I suppose.

Judy,
I have always loved your poetry. This is poignant and more than a little depressing, but that is my Judy. Stirring the pot of emotion.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Stupid teenager just wanting to be able to accept the odd cigarette without coughing up my breakfast.... they never warned us of addiction those sneeky cigarette companies .... lol all the ads making it cool, all the movie stars smoking on and off screen....

As for the pipe .... at least it's better for you than cigarettes...
I relate so well re the inability to give it away even after the quadruple CABG...
The old story ... it's not so hard to give up smoking. I've given it up a hundred times

they say it's harder to get off than heroin....

Thank you so very much for the lovely compliment re my poetry...
Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

The pipe is unfiltered and the drags are larger. It is cancer waiting to happen. Don't smoke a pipe.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

it's about smoking if Stan hadn't had pointed this out, most probably because I lack the experience of being addicted to a cigarette? Maybe. I feel the regret through the words. I like the raw feelings in this one.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thank you so much
Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

This is striking, if a little unnerving - being an ex-smoker (hopeful it's forever) the images here, the allusions to the old Hollywood scenes of easy exhalation, which gave the lie to the ultimate price, are easy to identify with.Some nice lines, which are typical of your cool clarity, like:

'how they handled the hold' - keep that one, whatever else changes.
The reference to the icons like Davis is neatly drawn together with the finishing line:

'within a smoke screen of ignorance'

and:

'desire utmost
to look 'cool' (your single quote fixed) - almost could be a refrain, above the last two lines above the mind's eye:

desire utmost
to project 'cool' - perhaps?

Hope this finds you well, and smoke free :)

PS I'll tell you how I gave up if you like. Not as easy as William Burroughs (who wrote a pamphlet on the subject I recall)

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

I knew where this was going about half way down - still get the pangs if I walk past someone in the street lighting up a fresh one, particularly if its some aromatic 'baccy' - I used to smoke a lot in student days, Nottingham and Edinburgh, there was a little tobacconists that I'd visit, they'd measure it out with scales, sealed it up in a little bag for you, with papers, poor students, always worked out cheaper - loved the aroma, they did rum, chocolate gold blend, anything, all in jars behind the counter, a bit like the apocalyptic cousin of the 'candy man' - hmmm still miss it, every now and then , but then the craving passes, and life goes on.

Take care.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Thanks so much for the read and the supportive comments
Not sure what you mean re the comment about 'desire utmost to look cool'

As for your trick to giving it up - would kill to know it.... at present I'm attempting to stop the habit smoking rather than when I crave....
Eg, I no longer smoke in the car (stopped smoking in the house years ago) trying to stop lighting the ciggie while talking on the phone.... that sort of thing.... it has helped to cut down, but always remains the fear when I'm down to my last couple.... have to get to the shop for more... don't want to not have some and get a craving...

I actually have stopped on several occasions, for a good amount of time, but each time a stressful situation has sent me right back to the little coffin nails....
Lol, as I said to Wes....stopping smoking is easy - I've done it a hundred times....

Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

down again! I'm going to start smoking again! Last night I couldn't get on the site, errors, was this just me? I just wrote this big inspiring reply aout how to quit, and the friggin internet failed me again :(

Sorry Jude, basically after working in Schools with Education QLD, I tapered down, then found these, believe me they do work, I have a ton of research, testing different devices, and I am now smoke free for four years plus:

Check out: https://www.v2.com/

Also have a laugh at this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGBv8j4Xb3E
I honestly found that they were realistic enough to get off the real smokes, over approx 6 months..

Only time I crave now is if I pass someone on the street sparking up a fresh one, near a coffee shop, and a pie factory on a bad day :)

We want to see you writing lovely poems for a long time yet..
Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

breathing in....
you got this right...that first hit...me its from dreams..vivid
coffee..smoke...computer firing up
i quit for years..but started up..
i got issues...i use pain killers
they go caffienne and other additives
all addictive
i hit downtown..the muses..
socialist this way
and anti socialist not fully misogynist
bettey davis...she did it best
i know a lot of women with eyes
like this and that directness
that voice
like the first cigarette
it fires up and soothes my
brain....settles the whitecaps
of thoughts
the unease
the rattle of the mind
to the hum

excellent work
I will also get to your work
entitled death
i greatly found it moving
after losing my close
intimate pet..
moving on from that
but not away
it shall always be close

Thank U Judyanne
Steven

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.