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Anapaest (meter workshop)

Twas the day of the wedding, all dressed there at five,
with excitement she waited for him to arrive,
when a note from the scoundrel arrived via post
and the message enclosed turned her white as a ghost,
said 'I can't come today after all we've been through,
for my wife, she objects to my marrying you.'
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Sorry Wes .... couldn't fit it all into a quatrain ...
Editing stage: 

Comments

had a little hard time with this. Can you show the parsing please?

Alid

'twas the DAY | of the WEDD | - ing, all DRESSED | there at FIVE
with ex - CITE | - ment she WAIT | - ed for HIM | to ar -RIVE
when a NOTE | from the SCOUND | - rel a - RRIVED | via the POST
and the MESS | - age en - CLOSED | turned her WHITE | as a GHOST
said I CAN'T | come to - DAY | a - fter ALL | we've been THROUGH
for my WIFE | she ob - JECTS | to my MARR | -y - ing YOU

Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Much obliged.

Alid

Waiting at the Church (My Wife Won't Let Me) by Florrie Forde

I'm in a nice bit of trouble, I confess;
Somebody with me has had a game.
I should by now be a proud and happy bride,
But I've still got to keep my single name.
I was proposed to by Obadiah Binks
In a very gentlemanly way;
Lent him all my money so that he could buy a home,
And punctually at twelve o'clock to-day-

There was I, waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church;
When I found he'd left me in the lurch,
Lor, how it did upset me!
All at once, he sent me round a note
Here's the very note,
This is what he wrote:
"Can't get away to marry you today,
My wife, won't let me!"

Lor, what a fuss Obadiah made of me
When he used to take me in the park!
He used to squeeze me till I was black and blue,
When he kissed me he used to leave a mark.
Each time he met me he treated me to port,
Took me now and then to see the play;
Understand me rightly, when I say he treated me,
It wasn't him but me that used to pay.

There was I, waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church;
When I found he'd left me in the lurch,
Lor, how it did upset me!
All at once, he sent me round a note
Here's the very note,
This is what he wrote:
"Can't get away to marry you today,
My wife, won't let me!"

Just think how disappointed I must feel,
I'll be off me crumpet very soon.
I've lost my husband, the one I never had!
And I dreamed so about the honeymoon.
I'm looking out for another Obadiah,
I've already bought the wedding ring,
There's all my little fal-de-riddles packed up in my box
Yes, absolutely two of ev'rything.

There was I, waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church,
Waiting at the church;
When I found he'd left me in the lurch,
Lor, how it did upset me!
All at once, he sent me round a note
Here's the very note,
This is what he wrote:
"Can't get away to marry you today,
My wife, won't let me!"

PS: She also sang Hold Your Hand Out You Naughty Boy and Oh Oh Antonio.
Julie Andrews recorded a great version of this, it's on YouTube.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Yes I know that song.... and I based my exercise on it

Thank you for letting everyone know that I can't think up my own theme * smiley face *

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Your example anapest is still excellent, regardless of where the inspiration came from.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I wonder why you felt the need to post 417 words saying nothing about the exercise.
Felt like an unpleasant agenda.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

but the third verse does not work. "Via" is two syllables and causes the verse to stumble. Otherwise spot on, but you've been writing in Anapest for years haven't you?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Yes ... 'via the'... I just liked it's sound
I felt it blended ok .... i could have put 'by the' or 'through the' .... lol but I liked the sound of 'via the' and it didn't really sound off to my ear....

I've removed the 'the', leaving just 'via'
.... but I wonder if that would mean you'd read it 'VI-a'
I tend to keep both syllables soft within the context
'a - RRIVED vi - a POST

Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

but I still find it a smooth read.
I like the story you've told too.
You make anapest look like a more enjoyable meter than it really is. Thanks for that.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Yes re 'via', I was aware .... see my comment to Wes....

Lol - I love anapaest.... don't find it unenjoyable.... I find it fun to write

I presume you meant unenjoyable to write, for I think it is very enjoyable to read

Thanks for the supportive comment
Love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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