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Only Semi-Luminescent

I am flinging plastic stars across the room
I decided we need a wish now more than ever

And so far

It’s not working.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
an attempt at short poetry. maybe a longer version? oh blarrgh.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Try making some paper stars,
your own design, and then...

You'll see.

Its fn doing that anyway isn't it?

Short and sweet.
Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

sometimes i feel like there are not enough words; in this case i felt there could be far too many :) thanks for the read!
mag

author comment

It is the picture you paint with your words that matter, there are several ways of stringging the words, yours are OK:-
(I am flinging plastic stars across the room
I decided we need a wish now more than ever
And so far
It’s not working.)

Why plastic stars and a room,
Look out of your window at night and throw a real star across the universe.
You can do this from your chair something like:-

I am seated
There is a need to throw stars across my room
I shall reap the wishes
If only they would come true.

The picture changes the thoughts remain in a different energy, this theme has endless words, to paint the same picture, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This is a perfect poem...
even at my age the anger
far far from youthful angst is there

throwing wishs

then dreaming on them
or casting them

a great line!

Todays world even with its riches
still harvests the thorns and thistles of
a passage to horizons or dreams
or hauntedness

the hunger for good tidings
arriving empty
and this poetry is excellent!!

Thank You!

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