Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

No Cure for Passion

You stream through my veins

your words an elixir
soothing and razing
my blood in chorus

holding me spellbound;

breathless

in the sweetest pain
of undeniable necessity

would you withhold
my passionate cacophony

force a bitter resolve of
awkward discontent?

please, do not wander
too far away.

11.8.2010
© Tonya Greenlee

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome back, it's good to see you.
This is very good - lol like it wouldn't be, coming from your pen.
The only part I found a bit out of place is the word "tingling". It seems almost child-like, and doesn't seem to fit, for me. Perhaps that is my maleness showing through? I would want a word with more lustful connotations, I think - but that's probably just me.
Except for that, I can find nothing to critique.
I love the dichotomy of desire that you picture here, and the way you portray your desire, at the end, that's really good.

Good to see you on the new Neopoet, Tonya.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

It is so good to see you also and that neo is back on line.

Thank you for your wonderful comments. I am having difficulty thinking of the right word. It is a lustful poem and yet not mearly or even focused on yearning for a romp (heehee) but, not wanting a realm/medium to disappear from my life. Gee, did that make sense at all?

Thanks for the crit. I will keep thinking about it and hopefully something will pop into my fuzzy brain.

Always,
Tonya

author comment

You always ask me if you are making sense, and I have yet to see you NOT make sense!

The new word...fits very well.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

welcome back Tonya. Trust you to choose such a passionate write for your homecoming lol......scribbler

awwwwwww, Stan, you say the sweetest things.
Seriously, thank you.
Let me pose a question for you. Would you not feel the same if all these lovely poems from so many lovely souls be kept from you? Many are so worthy of evoking passion within us. And we the readers absorb those words poured on our screens like hungry sponges.

Hmmmmmmmmm...and then there could be other ways to interpret it. lol (I well remember a poem about a peach.....)
Good to see you too!

Always,
Tonya

author comment

I hope you didn't take my comment to be in any way a slight to you for such was not my intent..........scribbler

I wasn't offended. I took it as a compliment and it made me giggle! :)
All is well Scribbler!

Tonya

author comment

Betaken, well not quite, the Norwegian word 'betatt 'is so expressive, but that what you are here, I see a maiden lost in the senses made captive of her desires in such a neatly worded phrasing that we become 'betatt' too!

It was with gusto I opened immediately your poem, seeing you here was a joyful thought, joining the family of poets once again a art of the fold.

Oh mentioning that word I se the white of snow powdered outside on stone and roof, the sheep skin of nature's Winter months.

Love to you Tonya from Ann in the north.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

You are too sweet. I am really glad you enjoy the poem.
Thank you for reading and the lovely words.

I have been gone a lot lately. Will be gone again for a bit.
I look forward to life slowing down again! lol

Take care Ann.
Love to you too! Always, Tonya

author comment

whew ... steamy !

Very affective poem,
the line breaks deliver ...

only one word I question, "undeniable"
Your use of "deny" worked so well, but made
me feel if one were changed ... I don't know though,
what do you think???

great poem

Richard

I think you are absolutely right about 'deny'. I changed it and hope it still has the same effect. I
think it does.
Really glad you enjoyed this one.
I'm ready to write...but my brain is in a turmoil and things are going to have to settle down first.
Sorry it took so long to respond.
Always,
Tonya

author comment

hi hon
love this...
nothing to crit
always feel it is a waste of time coming to crit anything of yours - never anything can i find to fault.... - so i just come to enjoy
love and hugs
great to be back in touch
judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I'm speechless! (That dear, is very unusual for me! lol) Thank you so much for the praise..but..but.. lol
I know theres plently for me to learn. I'm very happy you liked this one. Please...keep coming back! I am behind on
critiquing, reading, writing...

Mom had to have some very extensive surgery on her shoulder and my dad is not in the best of health...so, been spending a lot of time at their house helping them out. Sadly, they do not have internet there. When i have had the chance I've been reading.. You have some great work posted. I hope to get some comments in soon. Sorry took so long to respond.
love and hugs,
Tonya

author comment

I love the passion in this poem! The last stanza really rounded the poem out perfectly.

I really enjoyed this poem Tonya!

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Thank you very much.
I am glad you stopped by to read and happier yet that you enjoyed it so much.
As stated above..it has been very busy around here. Would be so much easier if mom and
dad lived closer to me. But, the trip is about 2 and 1/2 hours.. she has physical therapy 3X a week..
i come home to rest for a few days and see my hubby...then go back. lol.. Soon i hope she wil be up
and about move by herself.
Thanks again...didn't mean to go on so.
Look forward to reading more of your work.
Always..and Love,
Tonya

author comment

Very hot and very well written

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Thank you for reading...I think I am behind on the steamy part...you dear lady have raced ahead with some of your more tingling sensations! lol.
I appreciate your time very much. Glad you enjoyed this one.
Always,
Tonya

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.