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Don't Give a Damn

Lips, stained with shadows,
Shout out profanities
Not giving a damn
Who might hear;
Hell bent on robbing
Innocent ears

Lips, sneering with sarcasm,
Frown with cynicism
Not giving a damn
Who might listen;
Hell bent on tainting
Innocent concepts

Lips, dripping with hate,
Plant prejudice seeds
Not giving a damn
Who might be hurt;
Hell bent on destroying
Innocent lives

Lips, frozen with disbelief,
Edged with tension
I absorb my damnation
As a thoughtless casualty
From hell bent ideology
That none are blameless

Shadows of humanity laced with
Sarcasm and fear
Hate what they don’t understand;
Hell bent on selfish ideas
Not caring enough to give a damn.

12.19.2010
© Tonya Greenlee

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I can see alot of thought has gone into this poem and it has paid off! Well constructed, The title is spot on and you tide it altogether perfectly in the last stanza.

Excellent poem Tonya

Thank you for sharing .

Love mand xxxxxxxx

Thank you Mand. This one is a bit personal...althought it wasn't written so.
I added another paragraph at Annas suggestion to make it personal..
I am glad you like the poem. Thanks for reading. I know i am behind on
reading and comments. I will try really hard to get caught up soon.

Always,
Tonya

author comment

If only you had chosen to personalize this poem, Tanya......

In my opinion, so many poems omit that integrated essence/presence. Without it (again my opinion)
they're lifeless words and not *poetry* in the best sense of the word.

~love and stuff,
Anna

Thanks so much for your time. I always enjoy your comments and opinion.
I have heard comments both ways.. some don't believe a poem should
be personalized. I usually tend to make them personal, but didn't on this one.
I added a stanza..see what you think. This was a personal poem, an
observance, that was painful to see and endure.

lol..~ love and stuff,
Tonya

author comment

Hahaha. Who says poems should not be personalized? How silly! Every poem is personal to the poet, a poem is our unique identification and assimilation of feelings, thoughts, experiences.

There are a number of ways they can be written, but depersonalize a poem? Not by the greats. Every metaphor is highly unique and *personal*.

Of course we can speak of the mundane, the depersonalized poem, the hallmark card variety. Suitable for all for every occasion. ;-) They are nice, but wouldn't your friends like a poem written by you, about an experience shared?

Then again, spiritual poems, poems from the heart, one can identify with, no matter the language, the place in time or the poet.

See if adding a last line, such as: "Sometimes I'm damned if I do, sometimes I'm damned if I don't" doesn't add something...

Stuff of love,
Anna

No time, no time, I have no time! LOL
Horribly busy,
but I loved this.
The title is excellent
"How was my language use?"
heehee...you don't need to ask that question.
One thing: "innocent concepts" broke the cadence for me, and there was an implication in the beginnng of child-like innocence ruined by hate, so for me the word "concept" doesn't ring true, it was to "grown-up", if you see what I mean. "ideas" instead, perhaps?
Love the theme, it is close to my heart, and took me back to places I usually try to forget.
The beginning is great, so is the ending,
and overall I really love this piece.

Sorry for the rush!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I like the way that you repeat the same line, it infuses the the poem with power and drives it on. Good stuff.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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