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Mr. & Mrs. Face (Humor in Poetry WS... Ex.2)(By Ian and Rula)
Let me tell you 'bout Mr. Face,
who dwells in the luxurious space.
He hasn't an eye, an ear, nor hair,
and lives though never breathed the air.
He's good friends in a very huge amount,
these are so many than any could count.
Because friendship is all that he'd care,
he'd travel to almost everywhere.
He lives on the thoughts yet he's anencephalic,
and always known for being abibliphobic.
along with him everyone would surf,
and yet he would never lose a nerve.
No it's not the face book I'm talking 'bout,
though I hear you say it, and shout it out.
Mrs. Face lives without a care
As with him she said her life she’d share.
A love that binds all thoughts twix the two
One motion not visible to me or you.
There is no way that anyone can view
The love that flowed between the two
A thought that came and was transferred
See not a word spoken quite absurd
But they will live forever more
Made for each other that’s for sure
In the thoughts of love they exist today
I wish I could love and be that way.
I hear a voice now who is thinking so
It’s their faces from that time long ago
.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I've started with the first part (Mr. Face) while Ian did the second. I am not sure if he is finished with it as he is facing problems with the site. I have posted it anyway.
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Jordan
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Comments
raj
Thu, 2015-01-15 11:47
Rula and Ian
I must say both of you are raising the bar for others with this write which is brilliant and unique in many ways, such as:-
1. The mystery element besides humor which held me captive, almost scratching my head all through the read.
2.Liked the way you repeated the word "almost" in lone 4 of stanza 2 to establi8sh a good cadence.
3. It is amazing that two of you struck a good wavelength so quickly to come up with the write which if you would not have mentioned wouldn't have been noticed as two pieces written separately by 2 individual who are miles apart physically
4. Use of some of the words which i would need to search for their meanings in dictionary. e.g. anencephalic (could be related to brain), abibliphobi (must be some kind of fear)
5. Tell you what after all this, I am still not sure about who Mr. & Mrs. Face are...lol..
Well done guys...
Regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Sparrow
Thu, 2015-01-15 14:04
raj
Thank you for your read and great comments, we (Rula and I ) just wrote it in two separate pieces which seemed to work well.
Thanks again Yours as always Ian.T
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
lonlyhrtsclub13
Thu, 2015-01-15 11:52
This is a great collaboration
The two of you sound good together and this was very amusing, brought a smile to my face. Your choice of words were excellent and flowed well with the idea of the poem. Great job!
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Sparrow
Thu, 2015-01-15 14:04
Carrie
Thanks for your comment, I hope Nevermore's Eye is better now, I had to guess at the colour so I sent a mood eye, that is primarily Green,
Take care young Lady, Yours Ian x
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
judyanne
Fri, 2015-01-16 06:09
you did get this very smooth
for the fact that this is written by 2 people who live thousands of miles apart... well done
Can i take a guess? ..... did rula write the 1st part, and ian the 2nd?
You matched your styles well....
i too am left wondering about mr and mrs face lol - the mind boggles
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
lonlyhrtsclub13
Fri, 2015-01-16 07:18
I am
going to guess and say Mr. and Mrs. Face have something to do with Facebook and the many identities on there :)
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Rula
Fri, 2015-01-16 10:44
Raj, Carrie, Judyanne,
Raj, Carrie, Judyanne,
I am happy to know you think this is smooth and works well for the Workshop. I believe you all know that dear Ian is talented enough to cope up with any poet. He amazed me too when I read his part, though I shouldn't.
Ian it was a real honour to have you my partner in this workshop and thanks for bearing with me till I got my part ready.
Thank you everyone.
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author commentSparrow
Fri, 2015-01-16 11:17
Rula
It was a pleasure working with you, and this piece made them think, I could feel the heat of global warming lol.
Thanks again,
Yours as always Ian x
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
lonlyhrtsclub13
Fri, 2015-01-16 11:32
Would be
interesting to see you guys collaborate on another project again. Perhaps someone could do a Collaborative WS at some point. Just throwing an idea out there. It is a lot of fun working as a team.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Seren
Sat, 2015-01-17 07:02
Dearest Rula and Ian
Sorry for my intrusion on the workshop but I had to read this one the title caught my eye and my interest, I really loved the whole poem but the first verse felt a little forced and I feel that its a little over punctuated, they are the only things I could suggest its a really wonderfully put together poem, well done to you both.
much love Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Sparrow
Sat, 2015-01-17 18:32
Jayne
Thank you for your visit in what must be a tryng time for you.
We all hope that the healing you have within yourself and the healing sent to you with Unconditional love gets you back to us soon, know we are there with you each day, Yours as always Ian, and The Children xx
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
Rula
Sat, 2015-01-17 07:39
thanks Jayne
Thank you for the visit. I wonder though what do you mean by the first verse. Verse usually refers to line, or do you mean the whole first part ( written by me)?
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author commentSeren
Sat, 2015-01-17 08:33
Hey Rula
When I say verse or a stanza that means it is a grouped set of lines within a poem so its the first four lines I am talking about not the whole of the part you wrote Rula, the rhyme felt forced BUT in saying that it maybe just me wait and see what the others think I maybe way off I haven't been around for a long time I am a little rusty hun lol
love Jayne x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Rula
Sat, 2015-01-17 15:17
so
you wanted the first stanza dear. This what I thought. I considered your suggestion, however the punctuation is how I thought it should be.
Thank you dear.
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author commentwesley snow
Sat, 2015-01-17 18:17
Very successful.
"Anencephalic" means an individual with part or all of their brain missing.
I don't however, know what abibliphobic means.
Rula?
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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Rula
Sun, 2015-01-18 00:16
thank you sir
Abibliphobia is the fear of running out of the reading material.
It is one of the 100 funniest words in English according to the alpha dictionary
http://www.alphadictionary.com/articles/100_funniest_words.html
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author commentRula
Sun, 2015-01-18 00:27
I wonder though
What's funny about such long words. I always thought short words with certain sounds are funnier, but no one mentioned this in the workshop.
May be someone can answer me!
What makes one word funnier than another and how would a non native know it?
For example, I read that destroy is routine word but pulverize is hilarious. Yellow is conventional but chartreuse is witty. Surprise is ordinary but flabbergasted is priceless.
So, can this be clarified?
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author commentjudyanne
Sun, 2015-01-18 00:41
just imo
Words, per se, are not particularly funny nor not funny
The humour totally depends on the context in which they are used
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sun, 2015-01-18 01:14
this is
What I thought too.
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author commentwesley snow
Sun, 2015-01-18 12:25
The word you're looking for is Euphonius.
The categorizing of words as either ugly or beautiful. Funny, sad, frightening... all words offer a certain feeling in their context. Euphonius ignores context and concentrates entirely on the sound the word creates. Onomatopeia means a word that represents a sound in nature... such as "boom" or "bark". It is also a "funny" sounding word.
You are right that some words have a context that means a different thing thananother word with the same meaning... such as "destroy" and "pulverize". Destroy is dramatic as if we are doing a real harm and leaving something in a broken state. Pulverize is closer akin to what a football team does to another. No real harm, but damage is done.
By the way, I don't think "pulverize" is funny, but I see your point and your other examples are good as well.
To use funny words, trust your instincts. They are sound.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2015-01-18 01:02
Nice work
I read it but must come back later to give the critique
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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Barbara Writes
Sun, 2015-01-18 01:47
Way serious
Front part of brain functioning properly, but back part of brain u developed. Wow
"He lives on the thoughts yet he's anencephalic,
and always known for being abibliphobic." I have no idea what this word is
These two lines has me thinking serious thoughts.
Not very funny but, certainly educational. Lol
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community