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Monster

It is the many hidden truths
that get to me,
the lies, the little ones
especially,
the kind words
that fail to mask
the trouble in your eyes.

The vision was still born
and those doctors cut some chords,
they put her bloody
in a rubber sack and labeled it
with a date,
but not a name.

And now detached, my mind
ascends and looks back
on the signs you dropped
along the way,
the hints and all, I've come to know,
to hate myself a little more,
and to love a little less,
because most men are monsters
and I am all alone.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Someone pea in your Cheerios?
I need to say this: it pleases me to work through one of your poems and not find a single typographical botch. Proofreading is a wonderful thing, for it allows me to just "read" the poem and not get tripped up by something I need to point out.
I miss your more traditional stuff, but this has language that makes up for it. I will never truly like verso libre, but this is still very good. Depressing, but good.
I have no suggestions.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I'm quite enjoying free verse. Just before last year I started learning about post modernist poetry. That's what's motivated most of my writing lately.

Other events have made my poems more depressing too.

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

this one is depressing but very good.

Alid

I applaud the 'libre verso'...it's a trend that's really getting up Wesley's nose at the moment! (he know's I think his work is classy, so he won't be offended!)

Clearly, depressing emotional states can sometimes create fertile creativity. However, the irony I've found is, I can be quite blissfully happy and put on my alter ego for writing. The output can be shocking and on the edge of an abyss!

If you want to go all out with freeform try breaking up a few lines for even greater impact. In free verse, each piece of vocabulary has to work hard for it's effect. Try also creating half-rhymes and assonance/ alliteration to 'hook' the ear and give a bit of momentum to the stanzas.

Ells :)

I usually don't have that irony in my writing: almost all my poems are reactions to current events, and almost always reflect something of my present mental/emotional state. My string of depressing poems all point to the spell I'm currently in. There's often bright spots of happiness, but the darkness still lingers.

When I'm truly happy, I find it difficult to write like this.

I don't think I'm quite prepared to go all out free-form just yet. Unless a (hint) workshop forces me to. I'm still getting a feel for writing post-modernist free verse.

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

sorry to hear 'the dream was still born' i liked the part the doctors played in this epic, and the truth hurdlers in our ardent world

Thanks you very much Emeka

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment

I can only say Bravo, This is wonderful I cant see anything to suggest wonderful free verse :) thoroughly enjoyed the read :)

Have a great day :)

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thanks JC

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

author comment
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