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LIFE'S LESSON.

Locating the destination,
The greatness and success,
started smoothly.
From that pole to the unknown.
Testimonies comes from
Either good or bad journeys.
Without wings I wished,
But flying is not for all.
A straight finger pointed
without doubt.

Like an eagle on a high target.
The priority of no loss was the game
Like a broken angel I got hooked
Desperate and surprised I gazed
Through beyond the sky, deep in heart.
That plight must I fight
preening my feathers a call for help
seems to be soft but tough.

The past though gone is harsh.
As a child never I knew that
Infection of mind is much of thought
Until someone guides you.
Father then taught me life’s lesson
with his passing I understand.
Mother again set me life’s test
Which I’m still solving.
The more we live more we must learn.
Life is absolutely a teacher.

The past is a lesson
The present is exams.
And the future.... that’s the answer.
Learn from your past
so you can solve the present
For success to become your future.
The past is a LESSON.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem is about life experience and the lessons we all learn on a daily bases.
Editing stage: 

Comments

that you work on your tenses. You have a lot of spelling and tense mistakes.
I know that the English language is one of the hardest languages in the world due to it's many intricacies, but in order for you to succeed as a poet in English, you must master them. I do appreciate your thoughts on life's lessons. You show a great attitude and it will help you in your efforts. ~ Geezer.
.

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I appreciate your comment but can you point out the mistakes so that i will learn more from you?

author comment

any better than Swampwitch. unless you expect me to rewrite it for you. I could do that, but it won't help you learn what you need to know. My advice is to read a lot of English speaking books. Read on any subject that interests you. [ Poetry isn't really a good subject to read about, until you have a better command of English]. Don't be embarrassed to read children's books, they will help you learn a lot about language. You are progressing at a good rate and I hope that you don't get discouraged
and quit. I like your thoughts ~ Geezer.
.

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I take your advise because i am ready to learn,and the truth is i did not read English language but i love poetry thank you so much sir.

author comment

I take your
advice
as you
advise
well
see the noun and verb interpretation

google you must
they teach
it you ought to trust

Here are a few lines that need work:

"The priority of no lost was the game" (I'm not sure what you mean by "priority of no lost". It seems to be missing a word)

"The past have gone but harsh" (It should be "The past has gone". With subject-verb agreement a single noun (past) will use "has" instead of "have")

"Till his past I understands" (I should be "I understand" (present tense) or "I understood" (past tense). For subject-verb agreement, there is no "s" at the end of the verb that follows "I".)

If it helps, here are my favorite websites for help with English grammar and writing:

https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/5/

http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/grammar-girl

Hope this helps! Keep writing and read as much as you can in English. That's the best way to improve in any language you learn. 

Take care,

Kelsey 

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment. Neopoet is a workshop and is designed to share your poetry, receive and make critique of the work posted, and most importantly, for you to evolve as a poet.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

I did not read English language I only love poetry and i'm ready to learn,I am happy to join this family because i'm learning every day,thank you so much for your correction.

author comment

There are some lovely passages here. This one in particular

Like an eagle on a high target
The priority of no lost was the game
Like a broken angel I got hooked
Desperately and surprised I gaze
Though beyond the sky deep in heart
That plight must I fight
Fix up my feathers a call for help
Look like a thread perhaps a chain.

Not sure what you meant by "no lost". I really love some of the ideas "broken angel" "sky deep in heart" "fix up my feathers" . these are images that belong in a poetic universe.

My suggestion is try not to try to teach us with lines like
The more we live more we learn
Life is absolutely a teacher.

This we all know, and it is just a statement without "poetic" value. Tell us about life the teacher through poetry. This is the difficult task of the craft, to make us feel that though your imagination.
So for me the best part of your poetry is when you freely associate images.

If English is indeed a second language for you it is difficult to master its complex punctuation. The only ones you have here is a period at the end of each stanza. Besides the grammar discussed above, the poetry needs commas, semi-colons and the rest. It is one of our tools, and helps the reader with the cadence and logic of thought.

I am considering doing a workshop of Nigerian and west African poets. Is poetry taught and accessible where you are? I don't know enough about the poetry of the region. Would you be interested in taking part?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

thank you so much sir for the correction,the truth is i didn't read English but i love poetry because i has passion for it.once again thank you sir.

author comment

Simon, I got the didactic approach you intended to apply. I also love the boldness of its title. Like they've said work on your tenses. I would also have you focus on the linkages of your poetic ideas.

thank you Osadolor i am happy joining this family.

author comment

Ever notice how many good poets have names that begin with S :simon, stan, Seren........well...Some do lol. Now this poem has a lot going for it but like most of my stuff could be much better. Instead of being vague I'm going to show the changes I'd make were this my poem. Keep in mind I mainly write in western classic and free verse is not my strong point. Anyhow here goes :

Locating the destination,
the greatness and success,
started smoothly.
From that pole to the unknown.
Testimonies comes from
either good or bad journeys.
Without wings I wished
but flying is not for all.
A straight finger pointed
without doubt.

Like an eagle on a high target.
The priority of no loss was the game.
Like a broken angel I got hooked.
Desperate and surprised I gazed
through beyond the sky, deep in heart.
That plight must I fight
Preening my feathers a call for help
Look like a thread perhaps a chain.....*I am uncertain what you mean by this line

The past though gone is harsh.
As a child never I knew that
infection of mind is much as thought
until someone guides you.
Father then taught me life’s lesson.
With his passing I understand.
Mother again set me life’s test
which I’m still solving.
The more we live more we must learn.
Life is the absolute teacher.

The past is a lesson
The present is exams.
And the future ...that’s the answer.
Learn from your past
so you can solve the present
for success to become your future.
The past is a LESSON.

Now, I hardly expect you to use any of these changes word for word. I'm just showing you there are some changes that could be made to help you convey what I think you are trying to.........Stan

now i call you my teacher and mentor, thank you scribbler.

author comment
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