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'To the left of kathmandu'

Submitted by Obadiah Grey on Sat, 2023-05-20 10:24

To the left of kathmandu
sat a man bereft one shoe,
was one sandal shod
so he said to God
"oh Lord this just won't do,
I've holed my soul
and my begging bowl
has up n now gone missin,
and it's my mishap
that I've trod in crap,

and I've got no pot
to piss in".

Obadiah.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-05-20 10:24

Neopoet AI

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem 'To the left of kathmandu' is a quirky and humorous piece, with a clear and concise message. The use of rhyme and rhythm throughout the poem helps to create a playful and bouncy tone. The imagery used to describe the man's predicament is vivid and adds to the overall lightheartedness of the poem.

One line edit suggestion could be to change "up n now" to "now up and". This would help to improve the flow of the line and make it easier to read.

Overall, the poem is enjoyable and entertaining, with a clever use of language and a memorable message. However, the use of slang and informal language may not be suitable for all readers, and could potentially detract from the poem's overall impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Obadiah Grey

Sun, 2023-05-21 10:31

Steady now, you're showing a

Steady now, you're showing a liddle too much frilly knicker!!
I may be getting aroused!

Obi.

author comment

Ruby Lord

Sat, 2023-05-20 10:59

Oh Obi, you brought a smile

Oh Obi, you brought a smile to my face and a giggle to my mouth. Absolutely brilliant, I love it, straight forward, use of language and the dialect was divine. The topic as always, humorous and low, so low, I'll never be able to limbo beneath the bar you set, Pal. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Obadiah Grey

Sun, 2023-05-21 10:33

Oh, you bendy thing you, I'm

Oh, you bendy thing you, I'm sure you can stoop a liddle lower!

Yers, Obi.

author comment

Ruby Lord

Sun, 2023-05-21 11:07

Don't tease me, you know my

Don't tease me, you know my knees are shot to shit and I don't know my arse from my elbow.

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Geezer

Sat, 2023-05-20 12:10

Obi...

You've done it again! Your little ditties always make me smile. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Obadiah Grey

Sun, 2023-05-21 10:35