Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

HOWLING AT THE MOON

The pen rolls off the desk and breaks the silence
Its clatter reverberates across the empty hallway
And I sit here still
Too lazy to even reach down and grab it

The neighborhood dogs are howling outside
At this hour even the drunks are asleep
It's just me and the dogs
Only me and the dogs
They're howling at the moon
And I'm looking at mine through time
Through these tears that burn my eyes

I am way down in my coffee now
Still I find myself unhappy
And no closer to falling asleep
Is that the coffee's job?
Or am I giving it the whiskey's?
I forget these things now
For she got me off the whiskey
And the coffee barely does anything

Her ghost walks through the house
It stops at by the door and looks at the pen
That lies almost forgotten on the floor
She shakes her head and smiles
Picks it up and places it back on the table
She ruffles my hair and kisses my forehead
Come to bed soon honey, she says and walks off

Me and the dogs and the drunks
Howling at the moon in these cold nights
Each to his own
Mine is a small photo of a smiling girl
The only thing of value I own

Me and the dogs and the drunks
But the drunks are asleep now
Traitorous bastards
It's only me and the dogs now
Howling at the moon

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

The dogs and the drunks. But the traitors are asleep in their stupor, and you’re left to the dogs. And the sound of the pen on hitting the floor as it reverberates throughout the poem.

Well done,
Tim

Thanks for the positive feedback Tim. I did draw inspiration from Bukowski for this one and I'm glad it comes across. That bit of rawness that leaves you thinking for a while

author comment

Hello!
So good. Raw, direct, but still a bit concealing. Even with the dogs howling, there is a strong sense of overwhelming silence here. Very well written.
Thank you,
Lavender

Thank you, Lavender. I was trying something new and I'm glad to some degree it worked out.

author comment

As a first post this is excellent! I heard the pen hit the floor and I, like Tim, also heard echoes of Bukowski.

That ending is superb.

Me and the dogs and the drunks
But the drunks are asleep now
Traitorous bastards
It's only me and the dogs now
Howling at the moon

Kind Regards Seren

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Thank you for the positive feedback and the kind words Seren. Once in a while a piece just seems to come together and I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought so. Bukowski's work has touched me tremendously over the years, so for this one I decided to take a little inspiration from him. I'm glad it shown in the end product

author comment

I just know that I liked your poem... the language usage is seductive, in a charming way. you tell a good story with your poem. it makes me feel isolated and alive. what more can one ask for? good job!

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.