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MAKING COFFEE

Submitted by Trail on Thu, 2023-06-15 13:16

I have tried to distract myself
By waiting for the full moon
Or looking at the green rolling hills in the distance
As I speed down these lonesome highways
But there is nowhere left to run

Time is moving so fast
While the days are dragging by,
Painfully
And our dreams get further and further away
It's enough to drive a man insane

Well, a deep breath in
And a deep breath out
There's nothing more to do now
Other than simply witness all of it
There's a sweet fragrance somewhere
My coffee is almost ready

My life has been like a tragic poem
Painfully beautiful
But my coffee is ready now
Just one sip and I'll forget all of this
Even if it's just for a moment
A. SWANTALALA

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neopoet

Thu, 2023-06-15 19:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: MAKING COFFEE

In this poem, the speaker grapples with the passage of time and the fleeting nature of life. The poem effectively uses imagery and metaphor to convey the speaker's emotions and thoughts. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

1. Consistency in tone and theme: The poem begins with a somber tone, focusing on the speaker's inability to escape the passage of time and the feeling of life slipping away. However, the poem shifts to a lighter tone when the speaker mentions the coffee. To create a more cohesive poem, consider either maintaining the somber tone throughout or gradually transitioning to the lighter tone.

2. Line breaks and punctuation: The poem could benefit from more consistent line breaks and punctuation. For example, the lines "Time is moving so fast / While the days are dragging by," could be restructured as "Time is moving so fast, / while the days are dragging by," to maintain the flow of the poem.

3. Metaphor development: The metaphor of life as a tragic poem is introduced in the penultimate stanza. To strengthen this metaphor, consider expanding on it earlier in the poem and weaving it throughout. This could help create a more cohesive theme and provide a stronger emotional impact.

4. Clarity in the conclusion: The poem concludes with the speaker finding temporary solace in their coffee. However, it is unclear if this is meant to be a positive or negative message. To provide a more satisfying conclusion, consider clarifying the speaker's feelings about this temporary escape and its implications on their overall outlook on life.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys the speaker's emotional struggle with the passage of time and the fleeting nature of life. By addressing the points mentioned above, the poem could be further strengthened and provide a more cohesive and impactful reading experience.

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