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He's Amused...

The room is dimly lit
He waits quiet for his muse
She's out there having a good time
He's asked, but she's refused

He said, Come and play with me
I need your input now
She's like, I'm not ready yet
Stop having such a cow

I'll get there when I'm ready
You've got nothing else to do
I'll have a story when I'm done
He knows that it is true

He thinks that she's a tease
And she usually makes him wait
But she always makes it home
With a story that's just great!

He watches TV through his eyelids
Bored stiff and so depressed
He eats too much and sleeps too late
And he doesn't even dress

When he's just about to chuck it all
Saying, Shit! I've had enough
She comes waltzing, dancing in
Says, Boy, do you look rough?

Now listen to THIS story
It will rock your world!
And his eyes light-up like candles
And she's daddy's little girl!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
My muse sometimes sends her stories in code and I have to figure them out. This one was from a dream she sent me.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Awwww my heart. I love this so much. You've grown so much as a poet over the years and this shows such a tender side of you. Hon I'm back in a limited form I may even post a poem one day lol Thought I'd surprise you I see nothing to change its perfect as is in my eyes but I will be back something may stick out on the 4th read as I've already read it a few times.

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I've been missing you! I am always interested in what you have to say about my work. Glad that you are interested enough to read so many times. It would thrill me to no end, to have you show up for my chat "Shoot The Breeze With Geez" on Saturday nights. I will have to work out the time zones, but it is from 8pm to 9pm. EST. ~ Love and higgest bugs, your American Bro.
Gee.
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author comment

that smile on your face! Yeah, I do have that tender-side; but it helps to have such good friends that foster those sentiments.
I love surprises almost as much as I love writing. When I can produce them both at once, I am as happy as can be. Thanks for your unending support and comments. ~ Geez.
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author comment

That's pretty neat. You usually remember your dreams?

"He watches TV through his eyelids
Bored stiff and so depressed
He eats too much and sleeps too late
And he doesn't even dress."

Sounds like me, but like all the time, and I don't even have a muse to be depressed over. Nice job.
Hey, so the rules on this site say to comment with critique and not just, you know, comments. Thing is - 1, I don't really give critique unless the poem's a corpse, then I just say "Yeah, bury and rewrite." so I shouldn't be commenting? and 2, I notice most people here don't seem to critique. Are the rules out of date or something?

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Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

the rules aren't exactly rules, but we are supposed to be a workshop site and we should give critique. I welcome any suggestions on any of my work and take any criticisms into account. Even comments are good, because some people start out commenting and in their comments you may find a criticism unintended. Some people are afraid to offend others with saying that this or that could be better, and some can't quite tell you how to fix it. That's ok, I find that a lot of people think that they should be specific and give you highly educated reasons and instructions on what is wrong and/or what to do about it.
Nothing could be further from the truth! I have a poor memory and sometimes, I can't remember a workshop and the lessons learned, even though I just finished it. I just say how things feel to me and hope that I get my point across. So, just give an opinion and comment away. ~ Geezer.
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My chatroom is taking a break
if you have ideas about times that
are convenient and subjects
to talk about, contact me and we can discuss it
Thank you for your participation.
.

author comment

Thanks for answering. And, nope, if you want 'highly-educated reasons' you'll have to pull Thalassa out of her den. ;P Not gettin' those from me.
Thx again!

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Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

aww...very tender. speaking of surprises...you dropped a big one with your unexpected ending. Good title, which makes perfect sense at the end of the poem. the body of the poem is intriguing can't find one thing wrong. I was compelled by my curiosity to read to the ending. no suggestions. great write.

*hugs, Cat

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