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Gran and Pop (exercise 2, humour in poetry)

Josephine-Ellen-May Tyler-Melrose
(That’s Bobby and Sally-Anne's Gran)
has hairs on her chin, a wart on her nose
and a deep voice that sounds like a man.

But their Gran can fix anything broken, it seems.
(The kids secretly think she is magic).
And when she smiles, her face grows sunbeams
and she somehow turns comic from tragic.

She wears long black skirts, which reach to her toes,
and striped, multi-coloured, wool socks on her feet.
Her shirts are alive with buttons and bows.
With pink pince-nez glasses, she looks really neat.

And sometimes she dons a bright yellow fedora,
when she's dressed up to visit the city.
She goes mostly Mondays, with her friend who’s called Flora,
to Patty's Pastry Patisserie.

She always brings home, for the children’s pleasure,
yummy cup-cakes filled with cream and smarties,
and chocolate-fingers, those Sally-Anne treasures,
and the three have such wonderful parties.

But most of all, Gran, she so loves to dance,
to sway round the floor on the breath of romance,
and each afternoon she’s given the chance.
Let me explain this happenstance....

Josephine-Ellen-May's husband, Joe-Bert,
seems to less walk, and more sort of hop
(somewhere and sometime, his leg has been hurt)
but he flatly refuses a stick or a prop.

He has not a hair on his chin or his head,
but, a big droopy handle-barred fuzz on his lip
makes up, in part, for its lack of, instead.
With an impressive-to-look-at, large brace on his hip

you would be forgiven to think, by mistake,
he had not a whit of an idea of tune.
But he makes descant music when he’s not awake -
and when Gran first heard him, she nearly-well swooned.

With a big, red, and luminous, light-bulb-like nose,
he snuffles and snores through his afternoon nap
(a trait of the men of the clan of Melrose)
and creates mindless rhythm for rap.

Bobby and Gran, and Sally-Anne too,
on Gran and Pop's polished old oak wooden floors,
dance to vibrations they feel all way through,
as Grand-Pop sleep-breathes awesome musical scores.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
cheated a bit i suppose, adding the kids, as the poem is only supposed to be about two people - but i didn't make them much of a part of the poem (i hope)
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

Very funny indeed. I much enjoyed the read. You've absolutely did a good job with describing Josephine-Ellen-May and her husband in the utmost funniest way

For some reason I thought the last word in the last stanza would work better as "snores" instead of "scores" but it works as is if you don't think so.
Thanks for sharing.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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for the kind words
as for 'snores' - i've used it already in the previous stanza
and i think i prefer 'scores' - it brings, to my mind anyway, the thought of great musical masterpieces
lol
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Is there a remote possibility of claiming this to be our co-write? it would save me sleepless night caused due to the demands of coming up with even a good enough plot for the collaborative write and you do it in double quick time ..lol...

raj (sublime_ocean)

You do make me laugh Raj! :) xxxxx

No one else other than me and Judyanne were supposed to read that message :)

Much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

That's funnier still! ha ha

it does show how dumb i can get...i should have posted that to her as a PM..anyways it's good to know it made you have a hearty laugh...:)

raj (sublime_ocean)

too funny
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

i would've said yes too raj - if you hadn't made your request so public :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Joe Bert sounds a character! with his luminous, light-bulb-like nose! and his musical snore. Ha ha

I see you've changed the rhyming pattern from the sixth stanza down - was that for effect?

Great sense of humour - bet you had fun writing it!

Love Mand xxxxx

i wrote the first half, then came back later to do the second
it must've been my alter ego - or was it you raj? - changed the rhyme scheme
- well it was supposed to be written by two people :)

i hadn't even noticed lol

anyway - once you pointed it out it really annoyed me so i've edited it to be same throughout - except for the new connecting stanza
I don't think i've lost any impact....

thanks mand for your kind comments
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Great edit! it's no easy task to change a poem - fantastic job :)

Love Mand xxxxxx

Thanks so much for the second visit
and for the compliment ...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

A fun filled piece and well edited am still trying to see where raj was in this one lol, good work both of you,
Yours Ian

.
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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

didn't you notice where raj mucked up the rhyme scheme and i had to fix it?...

seriously though - thanks for the kind comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Joe bert I thought you'd somehow come across a picture of me lol. Then I realized he is much better looking 0_0. A fun poem throughout but the meter might be a bit off here or there (I couldn't help myself lmao)......stan

:)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

this is funny! the pattern is solid, great job. I like it.

mag

i am very glad that you like this..
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

This is delightful Judyanne.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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glad you liked this
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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