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Glenda

Woman, I have loved you since before the World began
and I shall never leave you, nay not even if I can.
I learned your name long ere the Sun and silver Moon arose.
No spirit walked the Earth alone before ‘twas you I chose.
The Music of the vast blue seas was silent when I saw
compassion in your hazel eyes that held me rapt in awe.
Your grace and beauty first perceived renew each moment since.
Your every move, unspoken word does all of this evince.
Ere long I’ll hear no melody that owes its glory to
the Music in your soul that gains all harmony of you,
but long the World shall wait upon that instant at The End
when all you are is realized as She the songs transcend.
If I could cause you comprehend that blesséd force you are,
my spirit would not have a need; my heart would bear no scar.
For only with your love and peace is my bleak soul complete.
Thus close beside you I remain until such God we meet.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is in reference to the end of my Ottava Rima. This is she who saved me. Without her I would surely be gone.
Editing stage: 

Comments

this declaration of love in your first quatrain sounds almost Wagnerian in intensity. Reminds me of Siegmund and Sieglinde's love duet from The Walkure. No critique from me; you are the poet. (Yes, I am an opera buff, lol.)
Ali

I love Wagner and a "good" soprano, but she has to be good. Maria Callas and Sarah Brightman do it for me. Thanks for the good words.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

that each woman wishes to hear from her man.
I love it. It shines with love.
Have you ever said that you don't know how to express your emotions in words????
Now I envy Glenda. I do :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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It is an answer to the last stanza in my Ottava Rima.
I miss you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

What a beautiful work. I urge you to look up Andre Breton ma femme. Or l'union libre. Good traslations available

Great and well crafted images, meter and emotion.
A lucky lady indeed

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

but time is hard. I don't get to read much. It's hard enough making it here.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Her father's name is Glenn, they wanted a boy, so...
Thank you for reading. I thought this would be overlooked.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Awwww.....
That is so, so sweet.

but... critique it. What do you find that works and what doesn't? We have a saying here:

Don't comment, critique. NeoPoet is a workshop environment.
Critique the poem. Think like a poet, for you are one.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I do not know much about the technical aspects of poetry, but your meter seems to flow smoothly.
It is the logical aspects that keep throwing me off.

you loved her before the world begin. OK, I can fit that in as being poetical; but this 'not even if I can' requires a lot of thought, and I must admit I came up with too many scenarios.

Woman, I have loved you since before the World began
and I shall never leave you, nay not even if I can.
I learned your name long ere the Sun and silver Moon arose.
No spirit walked the Earth alone before ‘twas you I chose.
The Music of the vast blue seas was silent when I saw
compassion in your hazel eyes that held me rapt in awe.

(Since this love was devined before the world existed is seems to speak of a spiritual destiny.)

Your grace and beauty first perceived renew each moment since.
Your every move, unspoken word does all of this evince.

(it seems here the concrete world has become a fact)

Ere long I’ll hear no melody that owes its glory to
the Music in your soul that gains all harmony of you,
but long the World shall wait upon that instant at The End
when all you are is realized as She the songs transcend.

(it seems here that the world has replaced the spiritual state and you must wait 'ere long' till the world returns to that spiritual state)

If I could cause you comprehend that blesséd force you are,
my spirit would not have a need; my heart would bear no scar.
For only with your love and peace is my bleak soul complete.
Thus close beside you I remain until such God we meet.

(this last part I like the most, only… it seems to me that the miracle is in you comprehending, as the blessed force probably do not suffer from the duality we are stamped with)

Perhaps I am being too logical, but the poem asks a lot of the reader, it is far from a simple love poem

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

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