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Fear, a Notion
I've got myself this, "theory"
a crazy notion, my mind voluntarily, had;
I consider all things to be mathematical
and if they're worthwhile you'd best learn, to add.
Just total, all of your blessings
and, your sorrows you'll have to subtract;
you'll then see, a much clearer picture
that life's good, and that that's, a grand, fact!
You cannot add up all, your worries
for to add up your fears is not right;
for, they've yet to come into fruition
and right now, aren't blocking the "light";
However, if you are consistently
being stubbornly, persistent....with those fears;
you'll end up living in shadows
feeling "blue", for what could be for years.
So, my advice has been written for, everyone
to, lighten up! And, try not to be sad;
you must smile, and let the light of happiness
help you feel good, at least....just, a "tad"!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Under disguise of another title, this same poem, has disgraced a page.
doc.
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
The High Desert, in the wild west, southern California, U.S. of A..
Favorite Poets
Keates, Poe, Dickinson, and Dr. Seuss. There are a smattering of others, but why bother listing 'em all, ya know?, I also rely on a few of our poets, here....for advice, and what not. I couldn't possibly explain what a fountain of live, effective knowledge we have...right here in our midst ! To catch a glimmer of brilliance, merely visit: the Stream.
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Comments
wesley snow
Fri, 2011-12-23 13:42
Too many commas!
This poem has a lot of why I like reading your poetry, but the commas are makin' me nuts. You don't need half of them from my perspective. Unless you're using them to get a reader to pause in a particular way I think they interfere with the flow.
Favorite line... "However, if you are consistantly
being stubbornly, persistant with those fears;"
Now, THAT'S poetry.
Gently humorous and killer sentimental.
Loved it.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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docmaverick
Sun, 2011-12-25 05:35
I thank you....
...for the input; and I really value your "take" on things. As for the comas, I WAS trying to cause the reader to pause a certain way, but I see now that a poet CAN'T control his/her reader.
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
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author commentwesley snow
Sun, 2011-12-25 12:41
I think a poet CAN manipulate the way a reader moves.
I DON'T think judicious use of commas will do it though. It has to be stronger than that and I think meter is the best tool. wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
docmaverick
Sun, 2011-12-25 21:44
You are, undoubtedly correct....
...however, I must admit that, "that's" not my forte'. As per usual, you've hit another, proverbial "nail" on the head! Here's the "deal"..."poetry punctuation"....is most definitely different than, "regular punctuation"; but, it seems that my adherence to those "rules" is, well....way "whoa", way unsettling!
So, there it is....there. In my tiny mind, I was quietly trying to get away with just, turning a phrase.
Turns out I wasted MANY people's time.
Thanx, for your insight;
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
author commentwesley snow
Mon, 2011-12-26 17:37
You never waste my time.
Your poetry is too sharp. And I know what you were trying to do. I would like my big poem to be read as "conversationally" as possible. I use commas, dashes, ellipsis' and lately I've been messing with colons. I DON'T think you should stop messing with the idea. Possibly my problem (and it's not yours) is that I have been reading grammar books lately and so I'm creating this intermittent, full of holes kind of education. You know... a little knowledge...
Sorry if I appeared to harp. You were my first "favorite" here at Neo and I feel a strange vested interest in your poetry.
Definitely from the heart, wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
docmaverick
Mon, 2011-12-26 19:36
My dear friend, snowguy....
...so generous you are with your sentiments, I am overwhelmed....and am proud to have been one of your favs; I'll get the right balance, eventually. Thanx, for ALL your input, and thanx, for being "vested".
sincerely,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
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