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An Auto-repaired Heart

Truer words were never spoken
purer motives never found;

I tried healing a heart that's broken
from the way 'twas hurtfully bound.

Speaking simply, and directly
I tried hard to ease the binds;

I untangled, and set the strings, free
just to ease all troubled minds.

I have never had more troubles,
and, with as articulate as I am;

I then had to burst my bubbles,
for, I could speak not! Worth a damn!

It was most difficult to swallow
with my big foot in my mouth;

my train of thought was hard to follow,
seemed all logic then, flew south!

Public speaking, done in private
is an art-form I must "hone";

I tried and failed to mend a heart, that
while still was hurting, 'twas my own.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


a broken heart can be a real pain but someone told me its better to have it then never to love at all...just a thought


For me this poem had a feel of the Rapids because it flows straight from a crestfallen but honest heart without abandon. A few suggestions for you to look at just in case you wish to edit:-

I untangled, and set the strings, free [ i believe the comma before "free" is not necessary]

instead of "and, with as articulate as I am;" try [ though as articulate as I am] which to me flows more smoothly with the line before

Other than that, I could connect with the honesty of this poem which is profound. Thanks for posting.


raj (sublime_ocean)

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