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Falls, the Silent Killer...

Killer stole into the room
White shoes and whiter shirt

He carried thoughts of violence
To do a world of hurt

He'd had enough of this patient's noise
Went and donned a good disguise

Stood listening to the silence
With pure malice in his eyes

Couldn't sleep a wink last night
With all the big commotion

Felt his headache pounding
Waves on a stormy ocean

All day today it was the same
Screaming and some curses

Had all of the attention here
Killer couldn't get the nurses

Now the man is quiet and sleeping
But Killer isn't taking chances

He's seen this all before
He's seen this patient's dances

Killer was just short of sleep
There was a great big crash

The man's tray was on the floor again
Where his piss was splashed

The nurse would calm him down
Then it wouldn't be too long

He'd start screaming out, "I'm dying"
Killer thought; "He isn't wrong"

As he pondered how to do it
The man shifted and he froze

How to do it silently
Under everybody's nose

The staples in the stomach
Of the senile, screaming jerk

He'd heard him yell, "Take them out!"
Killer thought that that might work

But no, he guessed, that would take too long
Kinda noisey too

Someone would come running
That just wouldn't do

The window wouldn't open
They were up a whole six floors

The best that he could think of...
Was behind the bathroom door

There were hooks to hang up towels
Killer used them once today

It could be done in a flash
He could do it quick that way

Explanation would be easy
The man was so delirious

He slept walked and he fell
His delusions were quite serious

Killer dragged him to the bathroom
Hand clamped against his mouth

The patient struggled wildly
But, he was going south!

The door was shut, the scene was set
Killer had him in his grip

It would be so easy
Then Killer went and tripped

He let go to save himself
Sound of head upon the floor

That's it! It's done and over
Not a problem anymore

There was someone shouting
"Oh my God, he's gone"!

"We've lost this poor old patient"
Killer smirked, "Oh no, we've won"

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I think I've smoothed it up a little, the rhythm seems a bit better. What do you think?
Editing stage: 

Comments

lol - his antics make for a fun read though

a couple of things

‘Killer stealthed into the room’ – ‘stealthed’? not a word I am familiar with... it is a noun ‘stealth’ or an adjective ‘stealthily’ - of course you can use poetic licence if you so wish, but it pulled me up immediately as I read it

also, 'The man were so delerious' 'delirious' and ‘was’ (singular subject – the man) not ‘were’

and again, i stumbled on the rhythm in spots.... just me i guess

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

warned me from your killer, Gee! I think he was right . Quite dangerous. I don't like to see him around unless I am well equiped with the guns and a bodyguard would be great to have. :)

I enjoyed your piece of course and as judy I've spotted that line with the typo which can be easily fixed.
one more thing troubled me in the title "Falls the silent killer" do you mean "Fall's , the silent killer

Thanks for the muse and the enjoyment that you add to the site.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

mean Falls, the Silent Killer. Like you would mean, Dogs, our companions or Candy, the dieter's bane. Killer was just more than a little pissed, because he had gone to the hospital to get some rest and get better. He got stuck in a room with someone who was not very conducive to that. He's better now. Thanks to you and Judy, I have fixed those little errors and because I want people to read what Killer's doing rather than think about how I say it, I guess I will leave out the popular, local venecular. [ Just something the kids are saying these days.
[ I stealthed up on her, and she was talking about me]. I thought it sounded cool. It has always been my intent to add a little amusement and enjoyment to the site and people's lives. No harm intended ever to anyone, It's a way to blow off steam and give people a laugh. Thanks for the read and crits. ~ Gee

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author comment

Giggle I been reading about Killer for years and I have watched him evolve into the serial killer hes become he definately has a split personality, he scares the shit outa me as well you know LOL ... always enjoy your killer writes I have journeyed with him .... I cant wait to see what he gets up to in Australia ;)

glad I finally got to read some of what hes been up to ... I am going to spend some time here tomorrow I will be home alone best time to read and to write I have a new poem I'm working on

love and higgest bugs JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I have a couple of good ideas about what he might be able to do there, but we'll wait and see. Can't wait to see what you are working on. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

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author comment

Taken to the logical conclusion of all of us of a certain age...I feel he's your pissed-off alto-ego...

When's the book out? I'd buy it!

'Betty'

indeed, Killer is my pissed-off alter-ego! He has one too, that is called "Sir Gee" who tries often to dissuade Killer from his ways. [ Without much success, I might add ]. Killer has become a very complex personality. I an only in the first stages of getting things together and it may take another year or two before Killer can make the literary scene, but I'm glad to know that there are people out there that want to delve into the life and times of "Killer". Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Gee

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What is wrong with Killer taking out poor patients from their hospital beds?? I suppose after New Orleans he's having a rest and those motor bike gangs, well he is probably knackered.
Can't we send him to a boot camp to have some fun, a couple of gory assault courses and people hanging around, ready to be cut to the ground.. La La
Good write there Gee, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

has one weakness. He tends to keep going and going until he is so worn out that his breath comes out all raspy. He doesn't really feel pain and isn't in danger of dying, but he sounds like "Darth Vader" and that alarms people around him. He's thought of going to some place like that, but they don't let you kill the other particpants.
Too bad, it would make for some interesting tales. There are always a lot of bad guys around though and he is on his way again! A few little touch-ups on the last couple of episodes and he will be ready for California! Thanks Ian, ~ Gee

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I am sure they have boot camps for bad people LOL
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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