Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Entropic Hate

Submitted by Unlight on Tue, 2020-02-25 16:07

All is done because every day
you survived
to see the darkness in your eyes.

The mirror is closing in,
the mirror is fierce:
Nothing to hide within
but a world of suffering.

And there’s no point in reducing
the fury of yesterday’s hate
to a handful of tears
banished in the wind.

Just step closer to the edge and you will feel
the wrath of your ancestors
building up through your veins.

Your hate is in vain
in the same vein as death
and everything else
that comes against the grain.

The mirror is closing in,
the mirror is fierce:
Nothing to hide within
but a world of suffering.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

Sparrow 42

Wed, 2020-02-26 03:28

Not sure if you wanted to rhyme all the way through,
The piece was intense and had much meaning.
A balance of rhyme would have been the difference here ,
Yours Ian T

Words can build a nation

Unlight

Wed, 2020-02-26 03:59

Unlight's picture

Truth be told, I had no intention to rhyme at all,
it just so happened that I "wrapped up" the ideas I had when I wrote the poem
into some rhyming words. I wouldn't change them though.

Thank you for the feedback!

Cheers,
Ionut Popa

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.