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Salvage the Mind

The light within me
feeds on the light within you:
Impending darkness.
We are what we seem
in the reflections of others.
Build up resistance,
there’s no one inside
to search for your peaceful embrace.

Lurk, emerge
from the prison of your eye;
engulf the dormant suffering
of your self in others
and reach for the sky:

No skies in our sight
to salvage the treasures
that mind in its struggles
has harbored for ages.

The void is still gruesome
and so are the answers
to all of our prayers
from all of the sages.

Remains of a future,
no more than remains,
have come to seclude
the past in a nutshell...
As if to remind us
of our moral dismay
and throw all illusions
where dreams ring
the death knell.

Lurk, emerge
from under the empty skies,
yearn after life
and worship the afterlife.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

very Rumi. There is a consistency in the pace and sound. A few distractions in a that respect.
"nutshell" (DAH DAH) felt "off." I would consider dropping "your": "to search for peaceful embrace."
I think it sounds tighter.
But the last line confuses me. The poem feels Krishnamurti like in philosophy. The poems feels to me to live in the now, live with your relationship to others. Don't waste your valuable stay on earth "worshiping" the an afterlife, the unanswerable void by sages. Don't live in illusion. Forget that bullshit, just fucking live. Emerge from the prison of doubts. That's the message I get, and the last line throws it all back at me.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Your suggestion is neat, and so it's worth taking into consideration, as it sounds tighter indeed.
And in regard to your interpretation, I believe it's as close to the core meaning of the poem as one's interpretation can get. I liked it!
The last two lines reveal a play-on-words (or, at least, some sort of) to the reader, underpinned by the contradiction that some people find themselves in, that is the desire (rather, the instinct) to live while hoping for a better life after their gone.
And this contradiction, I think, can be resolved if the mind is saved from the inevitable end through the rippling effect (as Yalom would put it).

Cheers,
Ionut Popa

author comment

I really enjoyed this piece!

It's a pleasant feeling for anybody to know their work resonates with others.
Thank you for sharing this!

Cheers,
Ionut Popa

author comment
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