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Lonely Speck

Feel the distance inside
and the wounds of a sphere
that is spinning aimlessly.
Stay with me and hold my hand
while staring at the blue mirror above
in a free fall...
And make a wish to leave it all behind.

Why are those dreams so lonely?
Why are those fears so empty?
When everything falls from sight
darkness is everything
and beyond
the outer light molds our feelings
in a fist of clay.

To hide our tears in trenches
dug deeply in tomorrow’s wounds,
where no hero should be seen crying,
is the most dreadful curse of all!
And there’s this distance that comes back crawling
inside our rotten skulls!

Why are those dreams so lonely?
Why are those fears so empty?
When everything falls from sight
darkness is everything
and beyond
the outer light molds our feelings
in a fist of clay.

Spin around and embrace the shadows once again:
They are lurking in the light and waiting for a sign,
waiting for you to step forward
and give this speck of dust some meaning.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

beautiful writing. I did find the repition of that one verse un needed

Chrys

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I agree, lovely poem, sad and lonely. Hope it's not personal. I do find the repetition not needed, except perhaps if it's going to be a song. I'll return when I've more time. Best and bring on more.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I think is this too elevated to make a good song lyric, but reads very nicely as a poem. So I feel the repeated verse is ballad like and is too long to repeat in full. a shorter clip might work, a few lines (in italics like Yeats?)
For me after a read not repeating the verse...worked great.

(perhaps try in final stanza, first line, try "again" over "more" I feel it needs that extra stress)

Your poetry reads so nice. Honest and crafty. I can tell you are in control of your poems, not visa versa.
..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I am so glad that you liked my poem, thank you for your feedback and for your nice comments!
Funny you should mention that, but I wrote this piece with a song in mind,
so I specifically intended to use it as a song, even though it might appear too elevated for such a purpose.
It should be a metal song, not yet composed, but anyway I wrote the lyrics in advance to lay down a thematic direction.
I hope this explains the repetition. As a poem, this piece could do just fine without the repetition,
but as a song it will have a refrain (or a chorus).

Eumolpus, I will implement your suggestion, as it sounds better that way, thanks!
Also, I took notice of the poem of yours that's the cousin of my "Ego Depletion" piece, "Life is what you do when you're waiting to die", I will read it just as soon as I can give it my full attention
(these days I've been doing things on the run since I've just moved from one city to another).

Cheers to you all,
Ionut Popa

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