Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Enedentian Epic: Canto III

Before the world was given hue,
ere mountain rose or forest grew,
and young was river under sky;
before the frost capped mountains high,
when young was leaf and new was root 5
and youthful brooks run round the foot
of hilly country, wide and far,
and lightened by the roaming star;
when wind would whisper with a voice
and grasses in response rejoiced, 10
the maiden's song, creation's strain
still could be heard. A sweet refrain.
Creation's strain, the maiden's song
would joy renew and life prolong.

Ere Begolad, the ring was wrought 15
and Angesllan by Tum was brought,
before the throne when wept the maid
and Earth's foundation stones were laid
and Camelin, the faithful ward
according to the Master's word 20
was charged to keep the dying realm.
Ere shaft met shield, or spear smote helm,
but not before the Ubeline
had fallen from their grace divine,
by Camelin, there stood a race, 25
proud was their boast, fair was their place.
There stood a race by Camelin,
the fairest folk, the fairy-kin.

Long fell their hair in silver locks,
and silken flowed their maiden's frocks. 30
The fairy lords were proud and tall,
and masters of their golden halls.
With shaft and buckler far they strode
along the length of Sithweg's road,
on gallant steeds, with blaring horns 35
and armor brilliantly adorned.
The huntsmen of the ancient scapes
pursuing dark and shifting shapes
That slunk and sought and slithered nigh
about the gyre of the sky. 40
That slithered nigh, that slunk and sought
and rank malevolency wrought.

The fairy lords in younger days,
with fairy maidens long held sway
over the glades of far domains 45
under the High King Wearden's reign.
With beauteous Hilfe by his side
amongst their folk did they reside.
A kingly court, a noble state
a wide, magnificent estate, 50
the hall of Camelin, the ward
of Moriver, by Ono's word.
The lords were tall, the ladies fair,
and like their king, they trod in pair,
with maidens fair and fairies tall, 55
they blossomed in Camelin's hall.

But when the edicts of the Lord
anointed Camelin as ward,
the accents of the Lord pronounced,
with stately word had he announced, 60
then Wearden of the distant plain,
the nameless realm, the fair domain
commanded forth his steed, his brand
was carried to the gifted land
and with it trains of fairy-kin, 65
ambassadors of Camelin.
So issued in the mighty throng
with brazen trumps and joyous song.
The mighty throng then issued in,
descending to the world within. 70

The world was fair in younger days,
and over glades held fairies sway
on open fields with scented grass
from shore to winding mountain pass.
They held dominion in the west, 75
where rivers wash and mountains rest.
Amongst the tungoli abode,
with those effulgent people rode
when hunting where the forests grew,
when full was joy and cares were few. 80
O'er glen and glade, o'er dell and vale
they lived the legends of this tale.
O'er dell and vale, o'er glen and glade,
new kingdoms raised, new homes they made.

The silver gemstones of the dew 85
that speckled field, reflecting hue
from high above the starry air,
that washed the hill and hidden lair
of soaring bird and crouching beast,
that watered gardens in the east 90
and fed the fountains of the west
were trampled at the king's behest.
So fairy maids and fairy lords
commanded by the sacred word
rode to the eastward jutting cape 95
along the shoreline's battered shape.
To unfurl banner in the east,
to which they sped on gallant beast.

Arriving to the present plain
they lifted high their new domain 100
with golden flags and brazen horn
and silken, festive raiment worn.
The air was filled with hymn and song
to joy retain, to mirth prolong.
They set to work, and delved the hills 105
amidst the celebrating thrills,
They fashioned stone and tended soil.
The fairies joyed in needful toil
till work was done, travail complete
And labour ceased. With joy replete, 110
was raised the seat, and there upon
was crowned the King, Anelion.

That day began the kindly reign
of fairies in the new domain,
where meadow crept to rocky shore 115
and silver dew as had before
bespeckled tracts of open land.
And thus adorned was Fairyland
with golden hall and silvered chair,
with minstrels singing in the air. 120
There gallant horses stately pranced
and in the fields their children danced
neath bright starlight on slender spit.
Where halls of fairy judges sit
on slender spit, neath starlight bright 125
they grew in joy and waxed in might.

Yet in the while their fame endured,
their music formed with lore matured.
The blowing windsmen of the north
from distant mountains issued forth. 130
O'er field and forest, sea and shore,
from countless leagues strange tidings bore.
The murmur rattled through the west
where mighty lords and ladies rest.
A whisper in the shades of night 135
when sparse was crowd and dim was light.
A discomforting restlessness
now stirred a mild uneasiness.
With quiet lost, the grave tidings
perturbed the mind of maids and kings. 140

Such was the wind that bore the tale
through hilly land and sunken vale,
a mild upheaval then arose;
erst silent kings roused from repose.
To Utter West the rumour spreads 145
a thousand interlocking threads
and like a boiling cauldron spills
its contents, runs beyond the hills
into the ever drinking wide
surrounding sea. From mountain side 150
a wild course led; a growing blot
of base deceit. Mischievous thought.
The rumour ran. The tidings spread,
and all, save fairy king misled.

Up rose the lords in mighty throng 155
and down the ancient roads, along
the many paths that crossed the west
were they called forth at the behest
of Tungol lord, and at his word
rode out those lords with mace and sword. 160
The wind was filled with blast of horn
as issued forth that very morn
the mighty kings of far domains,
on highest mounts and vastest plains.
Of dying need to concourse brought, 165
with restless hearts that answers sought;
To concourse brought, from near and far
the lords made haste to Tungamar.

Their valleys reek with strong perfumes,
and opalescent mists consume 170
the darkness that engulfs the land,
from Utter West to Fairyland.
And far beyond the fog of sight
there emanates a brilliant light
deceptive as the sea below 175
that feigns a most mysterious glow.
But though the world without is fair,
the hearts of lords are bleak and drear
for knowing well this sudden blight,
shall soon contend with deft and might. 180
Some of their host who know them well
are fearful of this awful spell.

Yet of their number was not found
the fairy lords from fairy mound,
for to the mighty of the throng 185
the Fairy-kin did not belong.
They were of lesser spirits born;
their mien was rude, their beauty worn.
At length, by those disdainful words
of condescending western lords 190
Anelion was not bade forth
to ride with them into the north.
The Fairy lords so disavowed
allegiance with the fair and proud.
The fealty sworn by fairy lords 195
undone by King Anelion's words.

So sunder they the friendships great
and to the farthest vales retreat.
So ever lost was fairy good
within the haunts of stream and wood. 200
But in the north, in field afar
was concourse held in Tungamar.
Ere long, the lords in single thought
designed a scheme, in wisdom wrought.
And gathered they on eastern fields 205
with mace and hammer, sword and shield.
They issued forth with brilliant fair
and hastened on the fabled lair.
With brilliant fair they issued forth
while unseen shapes infested north. 210

The highest places of the fold
were rugged peaks of icy cold
mountainous creases of the north
from which great rivers issued forth.
The long deserted snowy heights 215
were haunt of cold and dreadful wights.
Like snow capped irons, rugged teeth
cascaded ranks of icy sheets
on ranks of mangled, frozen earth
which gave the mighty rivers birth 220
and rarest gem stones, jewels bright
condensed below the frosty height.
The jewels bright, the rarest stones
that sat beneath the mountain thrones.

And 't is with boisterous clamour made 225
the slinking shapes of night invade
the long deserted mountain pass,
forsaking fields of scented grass.
The tidings borne by windsmen far
from Utter West to Tungamar 230
were but deceits sent through the air
to confound lord in homely lair.
And so unhindered mustered in
the kingdom of the world within
a treacherous throng. A ruinous host 235
of crass and unrepentant boast
with brazen song; so thereupon
arrived the kin of Ubelon.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Hello all. This is the third canto of the poem. This takes another look at previous history, briefly describing how the fairies came into the world, and what they did there. Nothing yet is seen of the "might" of the Fairy King (sorry Judy. You'll have to wait a little longer). If there is a noticeable drop in the quality of the poems, it may be because the writing became a little difficult. As this is still a draft, much may be changed later. Counting on your thoughts. As you may well know, I need your help.
Editing stage: 


really. Wes makes the same mistake

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

and I thought I could avoid it. I'll go back to edit the others with twice as many spaces between the lines.

Thoughts on the poetry?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

author comment

I get the same response with the numbers as does William, but I know that I prepare it otherwise and paste it here. Even with the first paste it doesn't want to allow me five or six spaces and fixes it by dragging them in. EVEN when I fix that space manually here at Neo, when I save the thing it has out done me again. My letters are tucked right up inside the sentence.
Any suggestions? This is of course pasted into advanced formatting, but to no avail.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program

If it is MS Word copy and pasting direct from Word works a lot better than it used to on Neopoet. Sometimes I thing Advanced formatting off is an advantage but experiment.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

There is no noticeable difference. I know the numbering is a bitch, but it makes it possible for us to critique. I do, however, wish I could figure out how to keep the numbers away from the line here at Neo.
Some specifics.

Before the world was given hue,
ere mountain rose or forest grew,
and young was river under sky
before the frost capped mountains high.

"Before" begins the first half of the sentence which is answered by something- "before I ate... I was hungry".
Does that make sense?

Lines 127-130
These are two sentences. Put a period after matured.
113- "began".
153 "ran".
Otherwise, it's proceeding apace. I'm envious.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program

and corrected as pointed out. I've still got a little issue with my "ran/run" and other similar words. A few other instances may come up in later parts of this piece. I'll have to figure them out.

Thanks. I'll be posting the next cantos online soon.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

author comment

where you've originally put in your word version please try the following

1-first choose "simple formating"
2-paste your piece with the numbers as you wish
3-select the pasted doc.
5-choose advanced formating
6-paste again
7-preview , it should appear the way you originally have it in your word doc.


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram

As most others do and this may be pressure of work but I will try and Improve on it soon. I see why the numbers are on there. So that people can critique. I liked the imagery in canto iii a and in inland. Thanks for directing me.

Do try to find ways to critique and help others improve their work. I have noticed you have been trying, The "Show and tell" workshop should help a lot.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

hope all is ok with you

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.