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Emily

Submitted by emogothgirl on Mon, 2012-06-04 01:07

If these stupid rhymes keep calling me
I’ll never find my bed
But how could I be sleeping
With her stuck up in my head

I’d wait for her for hours
And watch her break my all
I look back and I know it’s true
I never meant to fall

My dreams are running rampant
And my heart is in my throat
Somehow she doesn’t see it
Even with the words I wrote

I sneak ‘round library corners
And just to hold her hand
I’d pick my garden flowers
And I’d tear apart the band

I listen to her music
With aches, silent and dulled
I know I’d have a better flock
If feelings could be culled

To kiss just every inch of her
You must truly be blessed
To taste the words straight off her mouth
To hold her to your chest

I wish she understood it
This girl cuts me to the core
She makes me feel so small but strong
I can’t sleep anymore

I’d hold her till the stars shook out
Put my hands on her hips
And burn to hell in just a kiss
There’s fire in her lips

Oh

Our love is torn and sideways
But see, it’s like the moon
Ninja-like, reliable
I know I’ll see her soon.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Tue, 2012-06-05 00:08

Esker's picture

"with aches silenced and dull
I know I'd have a better flock
if feelings I could cull"

just my small changes to your poem
or maybe just the last line changed on your poem
on that line I wrote

This poem describes liking someone very much

:"to kiss just every inch of her
you truly must be blessed
to taste the words straight off her mouth
and hold her to your chest"

for me it flows better with these changes

I like the poem
nice to have "muses" in ones life
to get the fire going

Thank You Emogothgirl

Roscoe Lane

Wed, 2012-06-06 02:10

Roscoe Lane's picture

This is good and has potential but needs some work, maybe if you could smooth it out a little. Try geeting rid of some of the I's and and's. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Esker

Wed, 2012-06-27 22:12

Esker's picture

Heartsick!
how they said this fable
this fiction was not a known condition
But since modern ponder
they know now
this truth

of attraction of obsession
this Love worth!

For me my "Lori" kicked it up
I remember the sickness as
it swept me
sleepless
and heartbeat flutter
my mind all cluttered

There is nothing more powerful
more true then a "Love"
a POWER muse

Ere be one old or young
forbidden or embraced

I love the tales of love
poetic and lyric
metaphoric
and meteoric

Thank You!

loved

Thu, 2012-06-28 12:00

loved's picture

My dreams are running rampant

but dreams must so flow
in commotion..
intermixed with no relation
utter confusion..
then only another FREUD will be born
to give a meaningful interpretation
a long one and hollow
no more will grow
all guys and gals now a days play
with toys...
and love swallow...

loved

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