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Eleven:Seventeen

Offline. That’s what the message box said.
You told me to wish on your laptop’s time
It was six minutes late
My wish couldn’t have counted
So there should be no harm in telling you now.

I wished for you and for all of you.

Pulling down at the edges of the sky
Wrap your stars as a blanket around you
Let the intense heat and pressure course through
Clear your head.
Let the diamonds fall back to coal.

Throw your tears to the sea and wish on them
Wish to breathe in treble and expel bass clef
Become the notes scrawled onto my manuscript paper
Swell with the strings.
Ritard accordingly.

Crush your pillow to your chest
Pretend that it breathes like me
It tells you stories and runs steady fingers through your hair
Don’t be sad.
The love stays when I‘m gone.

Let your hips roll and your body sing
For four minutes and fifteen seconds
Speak with silence and the space between
Breathe love.
Breathe me.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Stranger by Katie Costello. that is all i have to say.
Editing stage: 

Comments

if anyone could figure it out of course it would be you! that actually just made my day, thank you for the read and the insght.

mag

author comment

He is at one end of the computer. You the other and he has his pillow and you your messages.

you dropped a letter once or twice, but yes, essentially that.

thanks,
mag

author comment
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