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Elder's Fire

Oh!
Great creator,
Around this sacred fire,
Hear my prayer,
As I sit.

Heal,
Mother Earth's,
Beauty in the sky,
And earth below.

With,
This offering,
Of pemmican and pine,
Giving thanks to brother crow,
A friend of mine.

Spirits,
Of the winds,
Usher me home,
To a place,
Where the elder’s roam.

As,
Mystic smoke,
Rose around my head,
As glowing flames,
Seduced me.

In,
Peaceful slumber,
Elders speak,
Giving wisdom,
As they speak.

In,
Animal forms,
They did sit,
Tales of old,
Speaking of it.

With,
Gentle whispers,
Caressing,
My soul,
In calming presence.

As,
Ambers of gold,
Touched the sky,
Distant drums played,
Nearby.

Oh!
Great creator,
Hear my prayer,
Heal these lands,
Touching nature's beauty,
With your hands.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

In the fifth stanza, you should use [rise] instead of rose.
The sixth stanza I would say: "In peaceful slumber
Elders spoke
Giving wisdom
Through the smoke
Watch how you give your tenses, it says much about your writing. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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