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Dancing With Rabbits

A wriggled nose invitation
To dance into myself.
A shout of joyous salvation

Dappled skin;
What a grin!

With a slant and a sway
The happy whiskers
Carry me away.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that this is about a freckle-faced guy, maybe a boy-friend? [the whiskers]. Not sure about the logic, as it really is kind of ambiguous and doesn't tell much. I like the rhyme and it is nicely done as far as the pace and pattern go. ~ Geez.
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The poem is about intersecting with a totemic archetype of release / joy / freedom. The "invitation" offers transformation. I am trying to capture the ecstasy of the moment

I think you are correct about the internal logic. I think it needs a stanza between 2 and 3 to focus intent

author comment

DAMN IT,,,,, I thought it was about Wabbits !!

I liked it and thought it fun.

obi.

you little poem has just brought a smile to my face, it is quite delightful

Chrys

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Thank you Chrys -- I love it too. I was able to capture the intensity of pure joy I think... If I do say so myself, lol...

author comment
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