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Dancing With Rabbits
A wriggled nose invitation
To dance into myself.
A shout of joyous salvation
Dappled skin;
What a grin!
With a slant and a sway
The happy whiskers
Carry me away.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2021-09-07 09:32
I'm thinking...
that this is about a freckle-faced guy, maybe a boy-friend? [the whiskers]. Not sure about the logic, as it really is kind of ambiguous and doesn't tell much. I like the rhyme and it is nicely done as far as the pace and pattern go. ~ Geez.
.
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Owl Has My Soul
Tue, 2021-09-07 10:00
Thank you Geez!
The poem is about intersecting with a totemic archetype of release / joy / freedom. The "invitation" offers transformation. I am trying to capture the ecstasy of the moment
I think you are correct about the internal logic. I think it needs a stanza between 2 and 3 to focus intent
author commentObadiah Grey
Tue, 2021-09-07 11:21
DAMN IT,,,,, I thought it was
DAMN IT,,,,, I thought it was about Wabbits !!
I liked it and thought it fun.
obi.
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2021-09-12 17:59
Jaime
you little poem has just brought a smile to my face, it is quite delightful
Chrys
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Owl Has My Soul
Sun, 2021-09-12 20:23
Thank you Chrys -- I love it
Thank you Chrys -- I love it too. I was able to capture the intensity of pure joy I think... If I do say so myself, lol...
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