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Curse of the Shu-Shu...
A big and black behemoth
looking like a hearse
Incongruous pearl-white top
couldn't have made it worse
My sister's daughter Julie
Couldn't say her name
her little mouth said Shu-Shu
I laughed and was to blame
She thought it awfully funny
when Uncle Guy would laugh
Shu-Shu sister Sheila
wasn't mad by half
A curse brought on by Shu-Shu
everytime she wanted rides
Transmission faults and batteries
flat tires by the roadside
In dripping orangish letters
Shu-Shu on fins of black and chrome
that Imperial didn't like her
I swear I heard it moan
I loved that car and she loved me
Curse of the Shu-Shu was her name
and every time we broke down
sister Shu-Shu got the blame
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I had a 1957 Chrysler Imperial, that for some reason, broke down in some way or another, almost every time I gave my sister Sheila a ride. Her daughter Julie insisted on calling her by name but couldn't quite manage to say Sheila, and it came out Sh-Shu! This is the story of that car and our relationship.
Editing stage:
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Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
New York State - USA
Favorite Poets
Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-03-16 08:36
dear Geeaer,
this is so precious! they are so sweet when they are young and the bloom of innocence is still upon them. it sounds to me like you loved and were loved...oh those treasured moments! an excellent poem which tells a story!
*many hugs, Cat
*
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Geezer
Thu, 2023-03-16 09:13
Thank you...
This story is true and the two characters in it are my sister Sheila and her daughter Julie. They both are in the poem
My Trip Down Memory Lane [Road Trip With Julie], which is in the anthology. My sister and niece are still close and I spoke with Julie last night, when she called to tell me that she had gotten her copy of the anthology!. She has also purchased one for her mother. They are both proud to be in my works. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
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author commentLavender
Thu, 2023-03-16 20:27
Curse of the Shu-Shu
Hello Geezer,
I agree with Cat - a precious memory, a treasured moment, and a tender poem!
L
Geezer
Thu, 2023-03-16 22:15
Thank you...
It is one of my most precious memories. I am still very connected to my sister and niece. We have shared some very good experiences and continue to do so. Thank you for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2023-03-23 20:36
That kinda...
sums it up. I was really sorry to see it go, but I had another beauty waiting in the wings. My '63 Ford Galaxie 500. Its name was "Wild Thing" It's not that I was being hard-hearted, but I really had to have a car for my job. We will tell about that car someday. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentRuby Lord
Sun, 2023-04-02 06:45
I enjoyed this poem; it reads
I enjoyed this poem; it reads well and the rhyming structure is perfect. The poem gives the reader the opportunity to see the poets love for his niece, sister and his car. I like the way you’ve used the car breaking down, as the source for this poem.
The line “Incongruous pearl-white top” does paint a picture but I’d look for a different word to replace incongruous, perhaps, ill-matched or absurd, the flow for me stuttered but that could be my accent?
It’s a good read and has a great flow.
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Geezer
Sun, 2023-04-02 18:12
Yeah...
it's your accent. LoL Sound it out... in-cong-ru-ous. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentRuby Lord
Mon, 2023-04-03 05:13
Yes it must be my accent, all
Yes it must be my accent, all my rounded vowels :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.