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Curse Of The Memory
Everything as if yesterday
Memories that will not go away
They rise up wanted, unwanted
Some are kind and welcome
Others full of sorrow
And touch the heart with pain
memories live within the soul
Some arrive on gossamer wings gently
Others as dragons fly, circling, circling
They weave in and out of the mind at will
Then return to their past for a while
Waiting to create our future
Editing stage:
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Texas
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rethinking this. have recently started reading the works of some of the greats, I will comment later
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Comments
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-04-19 09:03
Linda
A quiet piece of writing if only I could remember what it was about I started as you do on the first line now halfway through and up come a sign what is this all about, Now I have forgotten what I was going to say, Wonderful piece anyway, Yours Ian. Someone
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Linda Moses
Thu, 2012-04-19 14:52
Hi, Ian. Thank you so much
Hi, Ian. Thank you so much for the comments. Have tried to revamp this poem this morning
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentIan.T
Sat, 2012-04-21 12:00
Linda
I was playing with words and memory your piece was fine, I think a re read of my comment in a fun way is asked for LOL,
Take care Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Linda Moses
Mon, 2012-04-23 16:51
Ian
Funny I was going to write you back and tell you I did not quite understand what you were saying to me. Thank you for your comments
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentIan.T
Mon, 2012-04-23 17:30
Linda
My first line in my reply was the comment then I drifted off and talked about others memories that come and go..
I will talk about your write now that you have edited it..
Some memories stay as vivid as the day the event happened it is the mind that holds them as a point of reference, your write was very good on this point.
Some things we hold onto are not good and only seem to bring pain as you talked about in your second Stanza.
We need to learn and things will become clear later, if only we could hold the bad memories with a love of knowledge and not the effect they had on our ways.
Hold those lovely memories close, and the bad ones put in a box then send them out way past the sun to our nearest other star and beyond where they can play in the darkness, not touching us again.
Let the beautiful memories play hide and go seek with our Spirit it will love that game and bring a lasting peace to your ways,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
China Blue
Thu, 2012-04-19 09:18
Linda
Hello Linda good to see you again
The ideas expressed in your poem are good, but I just can't seem to get around the cliches you have used.
Perhaps a bit of rewording
Chrys
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Linda Moses
Thu, 2012-04-19 14:53
Have tried to banish the
Have tried to banish the cliches, and reword as suggested. Thank you for your help Chrys
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentNordic cloud
Thu, 2012-04-19 10:28
This is a charming little
This is a charming little 'memory' you leave us with the thought of Linda,
I agree with Chrys too.
It just needs something....
the simpler it is the more difficult it is to make it work, oddly enough.
An idea to keep the colour theme in the second verse,
No matter how I dress-we then think of colour.
Then you avoid using change twice too.
"Some arrive on gossimer wings, gentle" I think I would say gently, they arrive gently.
"Some arrive on gossimer wings, gentle" gossamer.
Those were some thoughts from me,
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Linda Moses
Thu, 2012-04-19 14:55
Thank you Kenzan for our
Thank you Kenzan for our suggestions, if you reread you will see I have taken your advice to heart
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentNordic cloud
Thu, 2012-04-19 15:49
O Linda I am honoured to be
O Linda I am honoured to be called Kenzan, that's an idea, Kenzann, could work. But he was a great poet of the East. That is my quote, or whatever its called.
"Then return to their past for awhile.......................... a while!
Waiting to create our future, and disappear only in death"...........I might say: to disappear only in death.
But that's being pernickety.
What makes you think that, your 'quote,' ?.
I have been made stronger by adversity, I think.
Depends perhaps if it is physically stronger of of it is mentally stronger.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Linda Moses
Thu, 2012-04-19 20:36
Ann. I should remember that, my daughters name is Ann
I have a bad habit of not always reading things through. I see now that Kenzan is the author of your quote, the quote I did read. I also just noticed that you asked me a question about my quote. I guess I said that because I am getting physically tired. getting harder to put one foot in front of the other. No I am not depressed. Just running out of steam The fact that I am having trouble recovering from a concussion is not helping. I am flying back home to Ohio tomorrow, by myself. Considering my periods of forgetfulness, with some confusion, this trip should be interesting. I will write about the experience when I return on April 30th.
My granddaughter thinks my new behavior is funny. I think it's damned scarey
Please tell me your name is Ann, and that I do have it right this time.
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentjudyanne
Thu, 2012-04-19 21:48
this is lovely linda
beautiful descriptive and analogy
but (imho i stress) i think you have a lot of superflous words that detract from the beauty
just take the beginning, for example
''Everything as if yesterday
Memories that will not go away
They rise up wanted, unwanted
....Some are kind and welcome
Others are sorrowful
And touch the heart with pain
... the memories live within the soul
Some arrive on gossamer wings gently...'
to me reads so more smoothly as
'Everything as if yesterday
Memories will not go away
rise up wanted, unwanted
....Some are kind and welcome
Others sorrowful (i would rather say - 'full of sorrow' - rhythm seems better - to my ear i stress lol)
touch the heart with pain'
and... 'the memories live within the soul
Some arrive on gossamer wings gently...'
'from were they live within the soul
Some arrive on gossamer wings gently...'
and so on -
:-) - not sure of that last line...
seems a little let down after the thought of those beautiful living memories,,
what if you omitted those last words and finish with 'waiting to create our future; ?
a beautiful way to view memories
'on gossomer wings'
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Fri, 2012-04-20 02:58
wimpy.
You haven't the courage to touch your evil.
It is there, you are not a sanctified saint. Tell us the truth.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Linda Moses
Fri, 2012-04-20 20:17
damn, Jess, what's the deal?
damn, Jess, what's the deal? you trying to bait me into writing stronger poetry, or you just don't lilke
me this week
And while I am at it. Take of those sunglasses. What are you hiding from?
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentweirdelf
Sat, 2012-04-21 00:06
bad baiting, my bad,
will attempt a more nurturing approach. Hey, it works for some.
The sunglasses are hiding the flaming, demonic red eyeballs.
Seriously, sorry, this was an un-called for brainfart.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Linda Moses
Sat, 2012-04-21 11:47
Jess
No problem. You did surprise me a little. And I am having trouble creating decent poetry, I know that
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2012-04-20 13:26
hello,
I really like these lines:
The memories live within the soul
Some arrive on gossamer wings gently
Others as dragons fly, circling, circling
I can fully appreciate these lines!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Linda Moses
Fri, 2012-04-20 20:20
Thank you Candlewitch. I
Thank you Candlewitch. I appreciate you comments
lINDA
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentLinda Moses
Sat, 2012-04-21 11:40
Gossamer means thin ,with
Gossamer means thin ,with maybe irridesent colors. like a fairies wing. If fairies were real
I like the word and have used it in other writes
Thanks for the comments. Have a good day
Linda
He who conquers self , has won a great battle
author commentNordic cloud
Sun, 2012-04-22 14:41
Mark, gossamer is the web of
Mark, gossamer is the web of the spider on the moorland bilberry plants, or heather, hanging there so delicately looking like lace, or spun sugar, or something magically diaphanous.
Web:-A fine film of cobwebs often seen floating in the air or caught on bushes or grass. adj. Sheer, light, delicate, or tenuous.
I wasn't far out then.
You can see why they used the word for ...something else!!!!!
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.