Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A CHAT WITH MOTHER EARTH AND NATURE.(MAY CONTEST)

Mother Earth
Mother Earth
So good you are
Patient you are to us
Your free gifts to us are precious
And the seasonal provisions
The plants and their flowers
The trees and their fruits
The animals and babies
Yet live and feed
The Virgin ground and water
All for our welfare

Grand mother nature
Never you stop supporting mother Earth
As you bless us with the air
The weather and atmospher
The wind and waves
The oxygen and clouds
The daylight and night to rest

Our hearts are weeping
Heavily beating for guilt of abuse
And violation of resources
Greed and selfishness
Evil and distraction lies in us
And we tear apart each other
Though your wrath and punishment
We have to embrace for our hearts desires.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

you posting this. Ok, just a few things to give you. I don't want to ruin the feel of your language transition to ours. I am beginning to appreciate that.
.
1] You don't need the [ ly ] on the impatient
2] seasons' not an [ r ]
3] No [s] on feed
4] Delete the line: never you stop supporting mother earth.

I think that when you complete these changes, you will have something a bit smoother. ~~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

correction or suggestion keep me going on because I write to learn and life itself is a teacher the more we live the more we learn thanks.

author comment

Hello, Simon,
How beautiful this is. The simplicity and directness make it so endearing. I especially like the reference to Grandmother Nature. Beautiful work.
Thank you!
L

It's my having you comment on my work for you have no idea on how much your comment mean to me thank you once more.

author comment

may I add a bit to Gee's suggestions.
6th line I would use seasonal rather seasoner
8th line did you mean you live and feed(drop the s on feeds) yet(you ?0
and water (no s)

2nd stanza 2nd line never( perhaps adding a do never do you stop)
I agree the transition to english can be very difficult but respect any dialect
tiny corrections but good poem heartfelt

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

Like I always say I love learning from any one around me especially when I see the truth in what they do or say, I appreciate your suggestion thanks once more.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.