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Like Bugs On Windscreens

The tempo trips
stops shortly
smothering
attempts at
quips
rational...

All life is here
the good, bad
afeared

And yet
something else to be achieved
The Voice
must be perceived
as Truth
for the crafter of honest visions

Before the ranks
of angle poised
'Thought-Screens'
smear and distort
the crafter of honest visions

Like a distressed bug
on a colliding windscreen
It's upon before
escaping
oblivion

Let Truth
have wings.

Last few words: 
...let our words be heard AND spoken...
Editing stage: 

Comments

Another keeper I wouldn't change a word as always a pleasure

Brava

Love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

My response to those that try to impose their version over MY truths, before I've explored how to edit & fashion MY version of it. A poet isn't someone who can technically use all the poetic devices offered correctly, rather, they are recorders of their views, thoughts emotions to different stimuli to create an emotional response in the reader or listener. 'Good, bad or afeared"!

I perhaps don't belong to Neopoet...i'm so protective of my raw versions, like newborns. I like the workshop idea but I think there needs some space or time before the newly produced writes can face the polish & sophisticated versions of others' truth, overlaid upon them.

I'm not going to get into spats with people over this...I'll shut up now and just write! LOL

Ells x

author comment

I don't let myself be bullied into giving critique
I write what I want if I receive suggestions I
Either implement said changes or discard
Them I used to feel guilty but we can only
Give our best and hope its enough

Another good write Ells

Love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

I repeat, Neopoet is by definition a Workshop site. Not a social site or a place to post your indulgent self expression.

If you won't listen to feedback from some very fine and well-informed poets, what's the fucking point of being here?

Now having been aggressive, I admit that there are many like you, very fine poets, who never listen to a word of critique. We tolerate you because you give us so much pleasure.

Now look down this page and see how I have been incredibly arrogant and re-formatted your poem. What do you think? Note: I have not changed a single word.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

amateur forensic pokers want to come and prod our works
before we crank them out

I went through this where I lived
and people would type on the bottom of the sheet
EXACTLY like the comments are here
they were mean and cruel those ones
and I just kept writing anyway

seeing that they at least were reacting
they were saying something
not just ignoring me
not just passing me by

they sat..they read
they reacted

but then with all society it can be
a power thing
we are not the teachers here
just other poets
we are not the headmaster
not the Dom not the Subs

but everyone doesnt have my
attitude of this
I have my own attitude
from meeting the top dogs
and meeting the bottom
who stopped and gave me
lifts in pouring rain in their
blacked out ghetto rides
with trance rock pounding
while the chevs and lexuss
zipped past with a sneer

I write...
Im used to the dissection
and add on apps for my works

its like looking at scat
since dog walking this is something
the dogs notice and now I do too

and its funny how the newly presented
are given attention
so human
a tendency

anyway I raised chickens
one summer

Im glad that Henry Moore
created his sculptures
Riopelle painted in his manner
and the impressionists
and Picasso altered their
focus

how many pulled back though
and got in the line up
trudging along

and now I have to go and listen
to my old lady
I have to tidy up the garbage I started
to take out and finish last nights
dinner from our roast and potatoes
and veggie dinner

"Get up here now"

gives me chills when she does that
Just has this voice
for a little woman with the prettiest green
eyes

I shiver

Poetic words
and a woman
who can give me
shivers

a fine combo indeed this
sunday morning

damn!!

Funny, my husband says the same of me...must be our green eyes! LOL

"Where would we be without women?"..."scarce, sir, mighty scarce!" (Mark Twain)

author comment

Poor us..I have to go and peel some pineapple
Guess we are good to have around nes pas?

nice poem good message much enjoyed

The tempo trips stops shortly
smothering attempts at quips rational...

All life is here,
the good, bad
afeared

And yet
something else to be achieved
The Voice must be perceived
as Truth
for the crafter of honest visions

Before the ranks of angle poised
'Thought-Screens' smear and distort
the crafter of honest visions

Like a distressed bug
on a colliding windscreen
It's upon before escaping
oblivion

Let Truth
have wings.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I'm not denigrating any of the talent on here...even yours...

I'm allowed to be protective and I accept some well intentioned meddling dressed up as workshop critique. You give poets the option of a tick box asking for full on knock 'em out punches. I, to date haven't ticked them. When I do, feel free to knock me off my socks.

Now, I'm going to be arrogant and say my version is my version and I personally don't think your re-write improves it. I repeated the line 'the crafter of honest visions'...to hammer home my point (isn't that the effect of repetition)....and also I prefer the alliteration of 'stops shortly smothering...with smothering the key word....meaning my words get 'smothered'....wanted that to stand out. However, I do appreciate you even looking at my work. I know I'm still developing and I do 'absorb' ideas and I do re-write. You are misinformed on that one.I plan to look over some older poems and re-submit...feel free to maul them. Now who's being 'self-indulgent? Look, i'm not wanting a fight. Jess...we're on the same side. I'm just not a zealot.

I'm going to keep arguing and standing up for myself...since when did you turn into a bit of a bully Jess? You don't have to 'tolerate' me.

author comment

Where was the bullying?
I just offered an alternative and of course, you are free to reject it., I take it as a compliment. You know your poetry best.

And I admit admit I missed the finer points of your write.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

but
tc lady!

loved

I thoroughly respect Esker & Jess. Wrong end of what? If you are going to jump into conversations....at least read the threads. What has my husband got to do with anything? We have just got married and are wonderfully happy. It's not at all relevant to a critique. please desist from analysing the state of my marriage and presuming anything about me. Thank you.

author comment

I read the threads, respect you and made a reasonable response.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

you in your comment said somewhere ,
that the poet was like your hubby
and perhaps some green eyes commonality

Then I scanned your self portrait
of how acidic and caustic you admit you are ,
hence the comment
But in all fairness I am deleting it .
Friends will comment on poetic acumen only.
tc bye

loved

I was making a comment to Loved! I'm not telling tales. I'm done.

author comment

no no I dont remember Humping..

hmm odd bodkins!!!

and weirdness cant buy this from anywhere
else!!

!!

(Let truth have wings - powerful ending.)

Between these two lines could you all rephrase your comments, so that a mortal that walks the Earth, can understand where the aggression comes from and the tiny Patter of discontent prevails and the point to it all, emerges into a comment on a piece that hasn't asked for comments comes from. Just say its good or bad will do, Yours Yenti..

(and weirdness cant buy this from anywhere
else!!)

LOL Love you all still xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Are you asking me about mankinds agression in regard to poetry?
and after that it just doesnt make any coherent sense in english

Sorry..

Maybe as you had mentioned elsewhere you are tired
I get like this too now that Im older also..

I still love this Poem greatly
if I havent already mentioned it
I shall now

My favourite line is
"Thought Screens"
how society reacts and expects
a certian behaviour
Or projects the imaginary "feeling"
or "emotion"
How velocity and collision
distort truths

Aristotle

I like him very much
He would like this Poem very much

Thank You!

This started out as a streamed poem and ended up with it being rewritten and loads of irrelevant comments.
I liked the form and theme of the whole thing I think that maybe yours was one of the normal comments.
We seem to be getting battles on the comment side of some poems of late which have nothing to do with the poem and its good or bad points.
No reflection on your words young man, as I know they are well crafted and you do take a lot of care in writing..
Take care out there young Wolf,
Yours, the UK Curmudgeon.. lol..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

almost and of awareness of others and teachings to give me an opinion
I would say at least thirty going from eighteen being the age to vote and
matter to the goverment anyway (also to legal go and kill for your flag)

its my opinion that there is no battle here

I am and have been and shall always "take care"

this is part of Neo that shall be Neo

When it ever or does degrade to one poet cruelly bullying
another in the guise of making Neo "pure" then all that
will be adressed... Long ago my uncles and others
put an end to such things on European topography

I shall in my opinion say this poem is very well done
again this is my opinion
either or

Thank You Betty for you poem
I have come tor re read it this morning
Its been snowing here and with this
morning dawn its a beautiful
and mystic revelation of site!

I am sort of busy, but had five minutes to read your poem, and the comments and posts above.
Your poem is very good, I think you've taken a very cliched image and made it fresh.
As for the posts...
Firstly, Loved is a Strange One (Hi Loved, long time no see), but Loved poetry is worth reading, I find it quite unique, entertaining, sometimes hard to understand but always worth the effort.
Secondly, good for you, stick to your guns, and don't let anyone kick you around. I personally do not post any poetry on Neopoet - or almost any, I should say - without the "Feel free to knock me on my back." thingy checked. I want raw truth, unfiltered by tact and care. I have little ego when it comes to poetry, I just want to improve my skills. But opinions vary, and I think you'll get enough good criticism from those of us who think your skills are worth improving.
Which they are, by the way.
Jess has had a lot to do with my own improvement. The first time we ever spoke at Neopoet, he ranted at me and insulted me. Then he started reading my poetry and telling me what was wrong with it. In no uncertain terms. Then, he started telling me what was right about it. Then he started praising some of it, and enjoying it.
LMAO - Hi Jess, how r u m8?
He's right, in the sense that Neopoet is for improving one's skills. He's wrong, imo, for taking people to task about not always giving all in terms of critique.
But as I said, opinions vary.
I think I shall read more of your poetry, when time permits. This one was good.
LOL
Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose?
It's good to be back.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

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