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A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY

I would like to forget
To smile at the world and maybe laugh a little
To let my mind wander as I lay back
And look at the sky with a smile on my face
To relax for a while in the silence of my thoughts
A thing now foreign to me

I would like to forget
That I did not notice my favorite song
When it played on the radio this morning
For I am a man now with a burden
Too heavy for these young shoulders of mine
But I doubt even a man grown would carry it
And for that, I wish this predicament on nobody

I would like to forget
The man that I have become
And the young boy I once was\
For the two do not, and cannot coincide

If I had a bottle of whiskey for the night
I would ask for one more
To drink away these sorrows
And sing until the dawn
Washes the last of the night away

Weak, you might think
But I am strong
Even the strong deserve to rest
And I deserve to forget
Even if it's just for a while

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

the title is just okay. maybe Blessings of a Bottle of Whiskey? just a suggestion to take or leave as you wish. I really like the poem for it seems like you take the responsibility on to yourself. for you deserve to forget (if only for a little while) a write well done.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Sorry for responding after so long. I'm not doing so great so my consistency is a bit off. Thank you for the tittle suggestion. Truth is, for some of my poems the lines just come and I write them down. I only think of the tittle afterward so there's sometimes disunity between the poem and the tittle. Thank you for reading and leaving a positive response. It means the world to me

author comment

Perhaps a title suggestion.

Tim

I struggled a bit with the tittle because I actually wrote the poem first. I will try to find one that fits the poem a bit better.

author comment
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