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Bending Not Yet Breaking

walking on a knife's edge
with barely a sense of balance or composure
just enough thought to get me by
think too much and i might scream
and the door is closed for a reason

quiet

she tells me
all the time
my heart beat's too loud
one too many an escaped sigh
love too loud too much too loud
and my head's too heavy

i was hooked on the crescent
now i'm pushed off with it's waxing
and despite the light i'm fading
this blacklight moon is haunting me

through the night plastic stars
seem to hum and glow
guitar strings tremble
sheet music rustles
broken springs creak
backyard trees sway
the song in my head repeats
and the walls start to crack

it is too quiet without your breathing sounds
it is almost perfect silence

but can't you hear it?

everything i own is calling out to you.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
hmmph. it is very late. ben howard, thank you. i think your guitar wrote half of this for me.
Editing stage: 

Comments

I loved the subtext of this. I am not familier with Ben Haward, but your words succeeded in bringing me in to read till the end though I belive some punctuation marks when added will make some parts read better

my heart beat's too loud.......do you mean 'my heart beats ' or 'my heart beats are too loud'

i was hooked on the crescent
 now i'm pushed off with it's waxing
 and despite the light i'm fading
 this blacklight moon is haunting me
 
through the night plastic stars
 seem to hum and glow
 guitar strings tremble

I don't belive you need the break here between the two stanzas , what do you think? 

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

he's a musician; take a look:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7sVoZcSKdc&feature=bf_next&list=PL08BE94...

i meant "my heartbeat is too loud." when i wrote it i was trying to make this driving rythym, whether that worked or not i'm not so sure. that goes for the stanzas, too. i don't know maybe i will play around with the structure some more. thanks for the suggestions!
yours,
mag

author comment

thanks for the comment! it's great to hear from you again.
yours,
mag

author comment
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